Has anyone else noticed that no one seems to recognize being ahousewife or homemaker as a respectable endeavour anymore? What is up with that? It really really gets on my nerves. There was a short period of time when the femenist movement acknowledgeing that being a housewife is a worth while life, and has value, and really is a job. Then all of a sudden it seems like it turned on us. There is so much pressure to be out there in the working world now, even if you are getting by just fine on your husband's salary. You hear things like "You need your freedom." "Don't you want financial independance?" "Don't you get bored?" I don't feel trapped. My husband and I do not keep separate accounts, I have a card and I can buy whatever I want, I feel no need for "financial independance". And no I don't get bored, there is always something to do around the house. Now that I've said that, isn't it supposed top be my choice? Isn't that what feminism was supposed to be about? Choice? My husband and I choose for me to be home because we are both happier this way. Our home runs smooter this way. He goes to work and makes money while I do everything at home, when he gets home we can just relax, instead of both being out all day and then having to clean the house and stuff when we get home. And it really is a job. I don't jsut sit around and watch tv and eat. So why is this lifestyle looked upon in such a bad light these days? It is really unfair!!!
[question posted by Nykkee]
responses and comments:
You're right - you have the right to choose the lifestyle that is best for you and your family, and people should respect your decision. You've found what works best for you, and are happy with the decision. It's sounds like you have a good system set up. There are a lot of families that rely on two incomes, or women just choose not to stay home - so the decision to be a housewife is becoming less common. It may simply be that the majority is shifting, so the roll of housewife is being questioned. Or perhaps working families think since they accomplish most of the same tasks as a family with one working and one stay at home partner, that the role isn't that valuable (mind you, it may add a lot more stress with two people working, and leave them with a lot less free time). Also, you mentioned that you don't just sit around and watch tv - but I've heard of many housewives that do exactly that. So those people are also giving a lazy impression to the housewife roll. I personally don't think I could be a stay at home wife, and prefer having mine own career. But this is my personal choice that works for me. To each their own! [AeroChickie]
Thanks you for youer response. I love being at home. It was a choice we made together after trying both working and finding it jsut didn't work. We are happy and that is all that should matter to anyone who actually cares about us. [Nykkee]
I think that most people have two income house holds and don't realize that you work just as hard as they do if not harder. I have been asked those questions. It is always your choice to be whatever you want to be. If you choose to be a stay at home mom there is nothing wrong with that. In fact I give you kudo's for doing it, it is one of the hardest jobs on the planet! You don't get breaks or lunch or vacation time. So, don't worry about what others think. there are a lot of people who do appreciate your efforts! [mamasan34]
When my hubby and I made the decision to be a one income family it was met with disapprovement. My husband makes enough to keep our bills payed, we are not rich by any means be happy. My inlwas think we are making a huge mistake. They think I am not contributing to the family even though I am raising 2 great kids. I feel like what I do contributes to the future of america. I am raising my family and organizing my home so we are all happier. I know a lot of poeple think I dont have a job but in my home I have the best job on earth. [happythoughts]
I know what I mean. I really really am getting annoyed with the situation nowadays. And it is becoming more stressful because not the men who look down on homemakers/housewives, but the women themselves! What is this? Why should they look down really on a house making profession? I have an experience to tell. My cousin got married to this girl which to me looks so arrogant. She works for a company which she claims to be very renowned. Every time she walks or talks, she will emphasis on how great she is and how great her occupation is. What makes me annoyed is whenever she talks to me, she would make a funny face as if she doesn't know what topic should she have with me. She thinks because I am a housewife I am stupid and doesn't know what is happening around the world. Urghh! I just kept quiet and let her be. Suddenly, something happened. She was at our house one day during a party. When she first reached our house, she didn't even held out her hand to me for a hand shake, as if my hands are dirty or something. I was so pissed off, so I planned something as a revenge. Lol. I went straight to my cousin, and invited him inside. But I ignored her totally. I let her be outside and if she wants to come in it is all on herself. Inside the house, I talked to my cousin about all the current issues until he got so excited to hear more and more from me. He also told me his story about his business and all. We even exchanged knowledge especially tips for blogging and how to do business online. My cousin totally forgot his wife, who then seemed very angry. I could see she was already biting her lips. Lol, lol, lol. What makes me really joyful was when my cousin suddenly asked me: "How did you manage doing housechores and online business at the same time? I really admire your skills. Not like my wife, she seldom cooks. In fact, let me tell you. She doesn't know how to cook! I wish she is like you." Then to my surprise he called his wife, and told her to follow my steps. He said she should begin to learn how to organize herself and not be lazy anymore. Her face turned red, I just smiled at her in victory. Lol, lol, lol! Am I being fair? Yes, indeed. I found my own way of justice. If there is anybody who looks down on you in the future, don't let them do that to you. Show them you have more skills and knowledge than them. I believe the next time they see your face, they will feel so embarrassed that they want to hide their faces behind the wall or something. Lol. That's my story. Have a nice day,Nykkee! [ladysurvivor]
The person that annoys me the most is my mother-in-law. She is just a horrible person. WHen I was not working when we first moved in together, his mother focused on how I should have a job, even though we were living, by my husband's choice, at least a 2 and a half hour walk along the highway to get to the outskirts of the nearest town. Then we moved into town and I had a job housekeeping, well that wasn't good enough, and she immediatly changed her focus onto whether or not all of my husband's meals were home-cooked or not, then I got a job at the same plant with him, that nearly killed me, suddenly they no longer thought that he had a good job, because I was hired on at the same place, and the focus on what we were eating became even more intense, the first question she would ask my husband when we saw her was, "Have you eaten today?" then "What did you have?" then look at me and ask "Did you make that yourself?" If I said "No" the response would be her making a face and then offering "real" food to my husband while going on about how what i was making wasn't realy food, and on the rare occasion that I would have time to cook and could say "Yes" when asked if i cooked it myself she would reply snottily "It must be nice to have that kind of time." This woman never worked until she was 40 at which time she got a 12 hour a week job in a super slow retail outlet to entertain herself and provide soemthing for her to complain about, because complaining is her greatest joy. Now that i am not working again and we are living outside of town in a very affordable house that I searched far and wide to find a house at this price, (And let me note that MY parents helped us greatly in the purchase of our house, HIS parents got mad if he asked for a penny, and they are loaded), now she is focused on how I should be working again. When we first moved in together the b!tch stood there and said "Good luck keeping him happy because I did everything for him." I do more for him. Grrrrr. You know what I think in that particular situation it's more one horrible character-lacking person than everyone shareing her twisted views. But anyway I just wanted to share that with you. It is ver frustrating for me and I am so glad to hear from someone who sounds like they know my pain. [Nykkee]
I must have missed the time the feminists acknowledge being a housewife as a worth while life.As long as I ca remember it was a symbol of men oppressing women.But true freedom means choice. So if your household doesn't need you to work outside the home and you and your husband are happy these other people should mind their own business. Why aren't housewives respected? You mentioned it. People who work outside the home think that it isn't hard work and that housewives are just sitting around eating bon bons and watching t.v. That is so not true.and feminists think that it is demeaning that you are depending on your husband for money.But just because you choose to be home now doesn't mean you couldn't get a job outside if you needed one.So don't let them bother you.Your husband appreciates you. And so of these people may be jealous that you and your husband are well off enough that you don't have to work and they have to work.Take care. [sarahruthbeth22]
Fantastic. I think the feminists are afraid that a stay at home wife couldn't get a good job outside the home. You are a perfect example that you could, if you had to,go back to work outside the home. And it is your choice to stay home. [sarahruthbeth22]
I am a house wife myself and I have seen how other people,especially working women look at me with their eyebrows arched as though I belong to an extinct or weird species,when I say that.Yes, and I have been bombarded with the same type of questions you have mentioned regarding financial independence,boredom etc....... I have remained a housewife out of my own choice.I am a post graduate and passed out with the second highest marks in the university and was offered a teaching job soon after my marriage in another part of the state.My husband and myself weighed the odds and decided to reject it and we have no regrets... I have brought up my kids on my own without leaving them at the mercy of servants to bring them up and have run my home effeciently all these years .I take computer classes for kids in my spare time,do all the shopping and pay the bills myself and am always around when my children need me. Working women can only give finacial security ,but they cannot buy emotional security and love for their kids.... [mithrarao]
Hi there .... As for me I have so much respect 4 women and men who realize and who are aware of the housewife value. Well the problem it is the way the media nowadays presenting a woman who is 100% devoted 2 her home, that she has become lesser compared with a working woman. I ain't against working women, I mean, work (excluding money factor) has a positive impact on the person's knowledge and character and so often we see real cool woman who despite being busy at work but never forgot home. But problems arose when people started 2 underestimate the role of a housewife seeing it less important compared with the role as a working person. Being totally devoted 2 work surely has some advantages but on the expense of a mmmm let me say home with a quality, the housewife touch, the inspiration of a female. It would be so great if the woman works and at the same time, doesn't lose track of her home. It is not about cooking and cleaning it is about the atmosphere and the ethics, her presence brings to the family, and kids especially at an early age, need their mom around. ( That doesn't contradict with her working at the same time) In my point-of-view, when a woman wants to work and build a career, it is really important that she keeps a balance between work and home. She may have 2 select a job that doesn't take her away completely from her home and family. By the way, men also have a role at home they must not overlook, they can't just be busy outside and forgetting his kids and wife I mean it is a shared responsibility. Once again, it is the movies, the media depicting a woman who is devoted completely 2 her home as not really cool. Thank you for the interesting post. Excuse typos .... [deadraven999]
I think no matter what anyone says on how its still the toughest job there is to be a mother, its looked down upon by many because there is no pay. No matter what study is done, that says this is how much we would earn if we were paid for everything we do, I have to say that right now, we aren't. People like to think that stay at home moms do not much more than sitting and eating bon bons and watching soap operas. It will probably be in some people's eyes and mind never respected simply because we don't earn anything. Mooch [oneandonemakesix]
My husband knows what I do and appreciates it. It's other people that bother me. He doesn't seem to totally understand all the time though, because some times he will come home and want to know what happened on a certain tv show and I'm like "I didn't even know that was on" and he'll say "Didn't you have the TV on?" and I'll be like "Yeah but I wasn't watching it" I leave it one for my dog and for background noise but I only actually watch it when everyhting is done or for a few minutes if i hear something especially interenting go by on the news. [Nykkee]
To be honest, I think the reason that people don't understand housewives is because most of us have known older women who didn't want to be housewives but were forced to be. So it's hard to get out of that mindset that it isn't something women really want. I know for a long time I couldn't understand it, because of that. Most of the housewives I knew when I was young were miserable, and wanted to have jobs out of the home but weren't "allowed" to do so by their husbands. On top of that, most of them were in abusive relationships in some way or other. So it took me a long time to realize that there actually are women who want to be be housewives, and are happy doing so. I think it's great that you have found what works for your family, and that you are happy. I think it is wonderful for you. I have learned in the past few years that there are many women who actually do choose to be housewives, and that's fine with me. I believe that people should do what makes them happiest, and just because I wouldn't be happy being a housewife doesn't mean that no one else can be. Nor does the fact that the housewives I saw when I was young weren't happy mean that no housewives are happy. I have learned that. Still, it took a while for me to learn, because it is a hard time to change your perspective on something after having seen it be misused. [lecanis]
No no I understood what you were saying I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was one of those women that has a mean husband forceing them to stay in the house, I love being home, I know my husband does prefere it if I just stay home all day rather than go out while he is at work, but that doesn't bother me, I am more comfortable knowing where he is all the time too. I had never considered being a housewife in the past because I was afraid of being screwed if the relationship failed but since meeting my husband I am more happy at home than I have ever been anywhere else. I have complete faith in our marriage vows and and some how actually feel safer being dependant one him financially and know that he is domestically dependant on me. Being needed is a nice feeling and somehow really needing someone, being dependant and knowing that you can trust them to always care for you, adds another depth to how much you love them. For us anyway. [Nykkee]
I think what my mother used to say was so right that a housewives job is a thankless job and shes literally treated and taken for granted. And its true too that everyone is seeing how much she works, yet shes never appreciated for her work, as compared to a woman who would go out of the house and earn money . I have been a home maker initailly but when the financial requirement arose, i did ppick up a job and am working now, but that does not reduce my work, people ought to realise that i am working doubly now, as i have to work out, earn the additional money and also come back home and manage the kids, cook for the family, see to the house etc, all that never ends, its a never ending job for woman, yes some husbands ar considerate enough to help around. But they will hlep mainly those women who are also working, as incase shes a homemaker, they feel that shes been home all day doing nothing much, so its her job let her deal with it. I speak as i have exeperienced both sides of the coin, though my husband is very considerate and always made sure hed helped me, wether i was at home or working. But this is a sure fact that men will take their woman for granted and not value them as much as they would value their wives who are working. Agreed that its the requirement of the day , that both partners should work now a days, but they must mutually repect and honour each other, even if the wife is a home maker. I think being at home, is a full time job, something that you cannot avoid and you have to work at things to maintain the house and keep it clean always, clean up the mess of the husband, kids, in general. The work is never ending. People look down upon a woman who is a homem aker thinking shes either not that qulaified or not contributing , so she cannto take up and help out inthe house, no t realsiing that shes doing more work sitting at home and managing things for you, so that your life outside and inside the house is comfortable. You ought to respect her for that and not take her for granted. [vinzen]
Thanks for your response. I woud say you are lucky that you have such a husband and family, that they appreciate your work more than what you are working for outside. i mean, generally our family takes us for granted and does not appreciate what we are doing, thus we prefer seeking work outside, where they pay and also at least appreciate your work. But good, that your case is the opposite, guess we all face and have our own share of situations, at our ends and have to face with things differently too. Have a nice day :) [vinzen]
I agree with you I am a stay at home mum, with the amount of doctors apointments and all the specialist we see for my son I would not last at a work place for a month plus with the benefits we get because I am still at home and if I have to pay child care its just not worth going back to work. U get coments like what did you do all day, oh lucky you, or its not like you have a real job. So yes I stay at home and pretend that I clean the house, wash dishes, cook, and look after my son. Man I am a great pretender as those things get done somehow. A lot of times people keep going on and on as to when I am going back to work, and all that and my husband gets worked up and that we end up arguing and for a moment he forgets how much work staying home is how much work our son is and all that. [violeta_va]
A "stay at home mom" has children to take care of. That is a big job. A "housewife" does not have children. Big difference. If you stay at home with your children, you should refer to yourself as a stay at home mom, not a housewife...otherwise people will think that the only people in your household are you and your husband and that you stay home with nothing to do but wash a few loads of clothes. [mkirby624]
It's really quite simple. Because we aren't out earning money we don't need in order to buy consumer junk we don't want to impress people we don't like we have no purpose! Seriously, I think that is the upshot of it. I don't need to go out to work because we lead a simple, frugal lifestyle. We know couples earning many times our household income who are deeply in debt and totally worn out and miserable. They've been brainwashed into thinking they must have "stuff" to be happy and merrily go into debt and work themselves to death to get it. [huswyf]
No offense, but an acre of land is a YARD, not a small farm. [mkirby624]
The only reason I don't agree with being a "housewife" is because cleaning doesn't take all day. I keep my house clean and I cook dinner every night, and I spend 3-4 quality hours with my husband...all with a 9 hour a day job. I don't have a job for financial independence, I have a job because I enjoy working with others and not being in solitude. I think being a stay at home mom is a full time job, but if you don't have kids, there really isn't THAT much to do at home during the day. Yes it is supposed to be your choice, and if you and your husband are both content with your choice, then I don't seem why it should matter to anyone else. Just don't expect people to consider it a JOB. That's just my POV. [mkirby624]
I have a question for you, though. Do you do those things for your husband because you enjoy it, or because he expects it? I don't mind fixing my husband a glass of water, or making dinner for the both of us, but he doesn't just sit there all night while I wait on him. Does he ASK you to go fix his plate or make him a glass of water, etc? That would really get to me. I do it for my husband because I want to, but if he ever EXPECTED me to do those things simply because I am the woman and he is the man, he would get NOTHING else from me. [mkirby624]
Homemakers whether it be the man or woman need to become respected in staying home . To try to raise God fearing children.I was a homemaker 16 + years the greatest job i ever held . Even though sadly my son turned out lazy to the bones . but at least so far does'nt do alochol drugs s.x etc... For this I am graceful for.Now praying this lazy bone right out of my son system . [froghopbeasurvivor]
Laziness can sometimes be more detrimental to a person. [mkirby624]
I am with you, Nykkee. I made the choice to stay home with my child, and I have not regretted it for a moment. It seems that people's values have changed and now life is just about things. Make more money so you can have more things and do more and be better than everyone else. To me, happiness is not about what I can buy, but what I can do with, and for, my family. There is a book called the feminine mistake that criticizes women who choose to stay home and care for their families. Is it really that bad to choose your family over a career? I think that the people who criticize this choice are people who get married with the understanding that, most likely, it will end and they will end up alone again, therefore needing financial independence. When I got married, I intended for it to last for as long as we both shall live, so I have no need for independence from my husband. [marciaj]
My viewpoint lands in the middle. I think it's great that you and your husband are happy with you being at home.I also understand it can be frustrating to talk about it with people who aren't in a similar situation. It's frustrating to me that people, often including my husband, seem to think I have lots of time on my hands when I really don't. However, I think there's a back swing with a lot of women deciding they'd rather be at home. You are far from being alone with your setup. A couple Yahoo groups I'm in have few woman that work outside the home. With that point, I think where woman's rights was once glorified, being a SAHM is now glorified. Each couple should figure out what benefits both the most and neither force that upon others nor be forced to conform to what works for others. [erythisis]
Thansk for your response. I do see your point, because many women my own age will tell me they think it's great and many that I know that are working are only doing it to pay off student loan bills and intend to stay home after that (I never went to college and so don't have any bills, I came to my husband debt-free). It's actually double hipocritical older women that nevr worked until thier kids moved out and they got bored so they got something for like 12 hours a week and now consider themselves business women or that don;t work at all and never did and they will say something stupid like "Well things were different for me". These are also the type of people who will cry poor all the time and then go out and buy a brand new vehicle because they acutally have tonnes of money and are just looking for attention or pity or some crap. I hope being a housewife gets galmourized like you say. I have considered starting a blog or webite with a title like HotHousewife or DomesticGoddessGlamour, with new more glamourus takes on traditional things (like I have 2 satin lace trimmed aprons that I love) and also have a section focused on taking as much pride in yourself as you do in your home, I think it makes a big difference when you take that hour for yourself to look and feel good and also makes a difference on how your husband feels when he gets home. If you look great and have taken time to rest then you are going to be much more enjoyable to come hoem to then if you are sweaty and cranky cause you feel gross and sticky. Personally I acutally rather just have a page like that to visit but I can't find one so I want to make it. Unfortunatly HTML goes right over my head. :( [Nykkee]
I haven't come across any negativity when asked what I do and I tell them that I'm a housewife. In fact quite the contrary because they say something to the effect "Well that's a big job for you never sit down with all that needs doing and I bet your house is clean, lucky you." But I will say that there are some out there that think all we do is sit around and watch tv. I'd tell them, "Come to my house and see what I do" I bet that would shut them up. [CatsandDogs]
I'm not going to argue with you for it's no use. I don't have the energy to nor do I want to. I will have a wonderful time dusting. Thank you. [CatsandDogs]
I've noticed the very same thing! I've been at home for about 5 months since I lost my job and while I'm not married, I live with my mother and things run 100 times easier with me at home. Of course I need to make my own money, which is what I'm doing online through various endevors while I can find something in the "working world" but honestly I hope to be able to support myself online so I can stay home. My friends and family all think that I'm sleeping all day, watching tv and playing on the internet. They must assume that some Magic fairy comes along daily and washes dishes, sweeps and vacums, cleans the cat litter, cooks meals, feeds the cat, does the laundry, scrubs the bathroom and balances the finances too. When I tell them I'm busy they laugh at me and say "doing what" or "must be nice" and think I'm watching tv. The tv doesn't get turned on unless the cat is watching pbs (she likes the kids shows) or until my mom gets home from work. Now I used to be one of those people who didn't respect staying at home and was critical of some of my friends that were stay at home moms. I always thought that I was way too "independant" and that it was a way too "traditional" role for me and that I'd be bored. I realized however that I love it, I'm so much happier then I ever was sitting in an office with people I couldn't stand. I get satisfaction from running our home nicely and I take care of the finances so my mother doesn't have to stress over late payments or forgotten bills, it's nice to give her that peace of mind. It is a tougher job then I've had and a harder one to manage but totally respectable and worth it. Great topic! [gmakesmoney]
Well good for you. Do what makes you happy. I guess people will find out when you get married and move out and you mom either has to hire a housekeeper or ask you to come over and continue taking care of her. [Nykkee]
Hello Nykkee! Do not get upset. Don't you know that being a homemaker is the best and professional work in the world? Being a good mom is difficult. Mothers are ideally the care takers of the home. Kids are the most blessed ones esp. if their mothers are the one taking care of them and showing them love. It is the best method that I know, that is, having an ideal household ideals of letting one parent be responsible in the home while the other parent works for a living. It is the only answer we know against having a broken family, juvenile deliquency, and other problems of the society, it starts in the home. As for you, I salute you for you are a responsible homemaker. Try not to focus on such negative issues, rather take a closer look in your home, take care of your kids and your hubby then you will be at peace and have happiness in your heart! Good luck! [meaculpa]
Hi Nykkee : May be because most people thought we are doing mundane tasks like buying groceries,cooking,washing etc. without any monetary value or contribution to the society and find us boring. But one thing that my husband once said made me think it's all worth it. He said he was able to have the peace of mind doing his work outside because of what I've been doing as a home maker. We were particularly emotional when he told me this during the time he was sick on bed a few days & I have to take care of him. Sally Chan http://good-oral-sex-tips.blogspot.com [sallychan]
I don't know which society you are referring to, but in Indian society housewives are highly respected. They are the leader of the household. Husband earns and wife runs the show at home. [kishusia]
I am in Canada. The main focus of most people here seems to be money and nothing but. You mean Hindu Indian with the elephant dieties and the belly dancing right? (Forgive me I do not know ALOT about other cultures) To my understanding the women of you culture have a pretty good deal. And really pretty outfits.In Canada and the USA it seems like most women want to be exactly like the men, I guess for equality, but I think it's stupid. Someone has to run the house. [Nykkee]
Oh I hear you Nykkee, I can't stand it when my husband comes home and tells me what the stupid people say about women who don't have an outside job..Who do they think they are to judge me or anyone else that chooses to not work outside the home? >.< [carmelanirel]
I'll tell you what I do when I am feeling paritcularly bad about other people's mouths. Go to the home of a family where there is no one at home, everyone workd, go to thier kictchen and look at the wall and window sill behind the counter/sink. 9 times out of 10 it will be disgusting when you get up close, covered in dirt, finger prints, and tiny bits of food. Then go home and look at your nice clean, sanitary kitchen and you will fell better. [Nykkee]