In China, when we talk about a man in a family, maybe we will define him as a "Big Man", which means he always ask his wife to do something and can make decisions, and the wife has to obey,as if he is a leader in a family. As a result, wife hasa to do a lot of housework and look after the old and young.
Since our country adopt the opening up and reform policy, more and more women begin their own careers. More husbands also share housework with wifes. But I find this "Big Man "concept still exists. For example, recently, I am very busy with my work and my husband has to do a lot of housework. But he ask me not to tell others, otherwise he will lsoe face.
Do you or your husbands do housework ? What do you think of it ?
[question posted by fino1982]
responses and comments:
IHusbands and Wife should be equal. [yAks89]
You look familiar. ^_^ [yAks89]
..well, my husband usually do more housework than me.. But i don't think it matters.. nowadays, as you said, we women have our own careers and we can almost do things which men can.. so I believe it doesn't matter at all even if men do more house works than us.. That only means we are helping each other in doing the work.. [raynejasper]
Hi Fino, I'm also live in Asia, I also have the Chinese origin in my race. My husband also a mix between Chinese and Malay Origin. But we both have the same concept of equality in our marriage. It's not about who should do more housework, but how to get everything done in our house. So if my husband goes to work, I do all the housework. But when he's at home or when off duty, he will certainly do most of our housework. It's nice to share the work equally :) Happy mylotting Dear. [lusirafa]
i think its good if you help each other in doing housework, but women have thier natural ability that they clean better than a guy, and yes a guy can do technical things better that a girl. I think its about balance, i dont care even my future hubby choose not to clean the room as long as i can see helping in other way like he fix the bulb, the ceiling or other things. I like cleaning and washing, but i always tell my boyfriend that i am not a maid, when i am tired, i can stop and he will start to smile and advice me " go for a rest". Happy mylotting!happyrasp [iamsolucky]
But I find more and more husband can cook decious food. And my husband can clean better than me. Maybe both man and women can do it best if we try our best.Have a happly day. [fino1982]
Hello fino1982,I am Chinese and have a family.In my opion,the husband and wife must treat each other honestly.If one is busy in work or other things,the other should do more housework for the family.It seems obvious.In family life there's not face,because they are ones in family. [nblifos]
I do almost all the work at home. I get help of maid when necessary. Usually men do not do housework in our place. If men and women together does the work at home, the world would have been a better place. [nishdan01]
Yes,it is common in our country. My husband is from Shandong Province of China.You could know man of Shandong is famous of "Big Man".After we met and then married,he began to help me do some housework.But sometimes I find it is hard for him to do housework as well as me.Maybe woman is more careful and thorough to do housework and take care of baby.In my opinion,it is ok that he help me do something that woman is always not good at,and I do others. Happy mylotting. [candy811123]
Sometimes my husband and i do the housework together. Such as cooking,making the room in order. We could working while speaking. But for some housework such as washing clothes, iron clothes, i'd like do myself. I think in a family, it should be taken equal to wife and husband. In my view, the man could do some houseworks only is a real man, cause his heart is broad. [tjsally]
i think wherever you go in the world the wife still has to do the housework even if equality in the house chores was planned. [Ritchelle]
my husband is a little lazy.i am a little lazy too.sometimes,we quarrel about the housework.he thinks that i should do housework .but i think it should be his duty.because i am a work woman. i have my job as he dose.he is stronger then me.after work,i have to look after my baby .i need to give some time to him.playing with him and teaching him songs. all of these,my husband can not replace of me. in my familly,i do more housework then my husband.so,he spend more time then me on looking after our baby. i think it is contrary. [gxyywhyzy]
HI FINO. YES u are absolutely correct ,this BIGMAN, concept still exist though many women nowadays are getting more to their carrers but stii even i dont understand wmen and how this BIGMAN concept will vanish out and men and women will be treated equal.this is not only in your country whole world is suffering from this [shiwangipeswani]
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house work can b done by anyone friend.......if the husband understands his wife he will definitely help his wife in doing house work.....some of them feel they are big man so they don't feel like doing all such type of works.... its all depends on the wife and husband....just cant blame anyone in this [vasavi20]
well this is the 21st century now, not the stone age, women are more liberated and very few women will be told what to do in ths day and age, and yes we have our careers, we earn a living, unlike SOME men who sit on their butts all day demanding this and that, what gives them the right to do that? especially in this generation, back in the day it was ok for a man to hit his wife and nothing would be done about it, he called the shots and women jumped to their demands, women will not tolerate that any more, we have control of ourselves and our lives, if a man told me to get cleaning and do as i was told, he would be walking away from me because i would be throwing him out, my ex was a lazy good for nothing freeloader, he never ever did anything to help me, all he did was take take take, i got tired of it, so i showed him the door....women have rights too, and any man that controls them should be ashamed of himself, marriage and partnership is for 2 people, not one, and i certainly do not believe that any man has a right to boss his wife or partner about especially if he's a lout like my ex....men should help too, after all, their wives do the most work, even in the home they do it none stop....i am against control freaks and i would never ever allow any man to tell me what to do....yes i will cook and clean but only when i feel like it, not when i am told [tattylashes]
my hubby and i both work outside of the house which means we are equally as busy. my hubby does ALL the cooking at our house. its something he enjoys and i dont really like to do. that is one of his contributions to the household. [cher913]
No its nothing like only a wife should takecare of the household work, because you see when we have a life partener to share everything equally even these things should be equally shared, so i don think so there is anything wrong in husbands doing household work, afterall they are taking care of their own house, why should they feel bad of this, this is actually a good sign, where husbands have started to respect their wifes and share their work equally. If this continues very soon the "big man" concept you mentioned will get vanished by the upcoming broad mineded attitude of men who help for their wife. And this must be done because, if there are any children in the family, if in case only wife is doing all the household work and husband only outside work means, those children will develop a mentality that wifes are to do household work and husbands are to work outside, in the mind of male child this will develop a attitude of treating wife as a servant in their future and in the girl child it will have an impact that wife is only like a maid to her husband. So this wil be a major social slip in the upcoming society. SO in order to avoid all these problems and also to provide the country a very socially responsible citizens, this equall sharing of work is really important.There is nothing wrong if husbands do household work,remember, who does the work is not important but what are the consequences due to performing that work is important. [missjasmine]
Since I am a stay at home mom, I do most, if not all, of the household chores. The household chores just common to for everyday existence. For those manly work, it's my husband or professional help will do it for me. [dorisday1971]
Well i guess that equal share of work is healthy for couples. I don't see any difference if a man works harder than a wife does .In this generation, man and woman are equal when it comes to responsibility and work. My husband do some household chores too but i don't ask him too but he initiates. I also do things for him that he won't asked me to do but i am happy to help him through. There is nothing to be ashamed of it husbands do cooking, some laundry and cleaning if this will make his wife happy and if a wife needs help from his spouse.lol [strawberrychocodahi]
When the wife is a full time housewife and the husband works she is expected to do most of the house work because she has the time and sees what needs to be done. When both work they share the chores. There is no need to be embarrased nor either one to be demanding. What needs to be done should be done by whoever has the time and capability to do it. Each should be sensetive and considerate of each other. My husband works and I am a fulltime housewife but he helps me when needed and is not embarrassed by it. [pmcepe]
Hi! I come from Philiipines. I am a man not yet married. I believe that it is very much unfair for women to do more housework. It should be shared by both the husband and wife. There are cases wherein women should do more housework; that is if she is a plain housewife and her husnband is very busy in his job. So far in our country, women do more housework. But the population of HOUSEBAND is growing because ladies love working especially if they are professionals. They want to apply their knowledge and skills. [don_naces]
I believe that husband and wife should have a share in the household chores. If for example a husband/wife wanted his/her partner to do all those chores, maybe he/she do not need a husband/wife but a maid instead, lol... [kaplima24]
ifiwas a wife i will do house work . [liumin5210]
I agree that some of the wife this time has already a careers not like the wife before they are called working wife. In my situation i am not working wife but soon i will be, talking the housework at kitchen i am more than working our foods but about who map the floor is my husband. I can tell I am more than working at housework than my husband but i am just happy co'z he will help me sometimes. [journey314207]
it is true that todays woman juggles house work and outside work . But seriously is it not fun to be multitasking? we share our work and both of us enjoy it [kalpanakishore]
we share the housework although it still remains my priority and responsibility . It is always an additional initiative when the husband does some house work !!!!!! Maybe we women enjoy it so it never changes roles. [kalpanakishore]
It's not as serious of a matter in the US. There is the feminist movement that fights against this sort of attitude. The roles of men and women are becoming blurred. No man loses face if he shares in the housework. He may be concerned about losing face in other areas though such as a business meeting or coming up short on his credit card in front of people. Women are still understood as the traditional housekeepers and men as the primary breadwinners but it really now depends on each family's unique situation. Some women like to work and some men like to stay home, there is nothing wrong with that, the only thing people may think is that the man is lazy. [csrobins]
my husband helps out but I am a little old-fashioned in that I enjoy cooking and cleaning and feel bad if he does too much. Chinese culture is very different from life in USA, even though I worked outside of the home like many wives we don't mind so much if the husband helps. Some of us like it more than others. I think that people here accept the idea of the husband helping with the kids and chores. My husband likes to joke around about the whole "man of the house" thing but I feel we are equals and he does too. [NuttyMomma]
I think husband has their work to do at home like raking the grass outsisde, shoveling the snow, repair the broken things at home that kinds of stuff. And wife should do their part like laundry, washing dishes, cleaning etc so I tink it is fair. To me, I don't mind if he needs my help abou his "housework" if I am capable to help.:-) [mermaidivy]
hi fino1982, You are not correct. I don't agree with what you said about men in China. First of al, I am not a man. I think you are talking a portion of men in China but not all. It all depends on which provinces the man comes from. Men from southern tends to act like as you mentioned. Men from northern area is famous to love wives so much, do lots of housework, give so much money to their wives, cook them breakfast/dinner and most of the men from Northern are not angry with their wives even their wives blamed them in front of their friends, they won't go to socialize with customers, as our saying "the man can even wash underwears of his wife by hand". That's very true that every man comes from Northern are so nice(of course some are not, as every one is an individual) , but they are too timid in some kind of women's eyes, they don't behave like men! I married to a chinese guy who can do anything for me. My hubby is a reasonable guy. Your husband is quite good indeed if he helps you on housework, he is just asking you not telling this to others, what a big deal? It's just like a man asking you not telling others that he loses his job. There's always a thing that each person would mind so much. Have a nice day! You have a good husband. Enjoy your time with him. Happy myLotting:) [HelloMickey]
Personally I think what works for some families don't work for others and what counts is what works for each of us. We all have different lives. I'm a SAHM and I take my responsibility seriously. I feel I'm at home all day so the house should be done and looking nice and tidy when kids return from school and when hubby comes home. I'm also at home with our 2 year old (actually granddaughter) but we consider her ours since we have had her since birth and legally since she was 5 months old. Now that said, I do think it is fair for them to help out thou. Even thou I am home things can get rough, doing the same thing every day gets tedious and chasing a 2 year old is rougher now then it was when I was younger chasing our 7 kids! So in our home I do most everything but when they get home I do ask them to pitch in on somethings. It is what works for us. Hmmm weird thou my hubby will brag, I did the dishes or whatever to his guys. I think it shows that we have a great relationship and he values me and what I do as I do him. [Ithink]
this "big man" concept still exists in a lot of households all around the world. now i am not familiar with any other countries, i can only vouch for my household and a few of the people that i know. i'll admit that im lazy and don't do a lot of housework. right now, my husband has been laid off, so he stays at home and does the housework and takes care of our son. (even when he was working, he still did those things). plus he cooks, and takes care of the bills and what not. so , all i have to do is just go to work lol. i think its great that he does all these things, help me out, and you can't find too many men that will willingly do what he does. so if you have a man that does his fair share, even if its only sometimes...ENJOY HIM. i surely enjoy everything my husband does. he treats me like a princess, even when i can be queen beotch!! love is great! [kbmsaylor]
I think it depends on the situation. If a wife stays home all day long and the man works, yes, I believe that the woman should do ALL of the housework, laundry, dishes, taking care of the kids and homework and cook for the family. If both the husband and wife work, I think it should be shared. My mother taught me when I was younger that if my husband and I work, we should create a weekly chore list, sort of like we do with our kids and the husband and wife split the housework. My husband is a little different though. I stay home with our youngest and I clean all the time, take care of laundry, dishes and my kids but a lot of the time, my husband likes to cook, even after a long day at work. So like I said before, it depends on the situation. Plus, it also depends on the type of man or woman you marry...some of them can be so lazy. [Felicialessard1]
I think that they should do equal. Men and women are equal, just different. If one does more than the other, the partner doing more of the work could feel resentful. Leading to unhappy marriage and or disruption, more so than in the past. [dns100]
I think nowadays it all just depends on the situation with working. it used to be that women did all the housework, pretty much in every culture because that was her job, and the man's job was to go to work and make the money. I think whoever stays home should do the house work, and if both the husband and wife work, it should be equal, and if one works full time and the other part time, whoever is home more should do more. like other people have said, it's all about balance. And we won't tell your husband that we know he does housework! lol [avrose]
I live in America and was raised in a family where it is the woman's job to take care of the house work. Before I married my husband we talked about it and agreed that since we would both have to work to pay the bills then we would both do house work. He is very helpful. I often find that I do most of the work but if it piles up and I am unable to keep up for whatever reason then he picks up the slack and never complains. I can relate to your "Big Man" culture/concept, If I was to tell my family (my dad's side of the family) that my husband helps then I would loose face because the women in my family would think that I am not a good wife, and they would tease my husband for doing women's work. The other side of my family does not care who does the house work as long as the house is clean. [okkidokitokki]
As a man,we hold a very responsible position in the homeand this "Big man" concept always exists in our mind.now most of men have undertaked to cook a meal,do laudry and other housework.finally,we'll get happiness of our families. [gxyywhyzy]
My husband and I both work, and we both do the housework. That being said, he has made the mistake of trying o tell me that cleaning the house is a "woman's job" and found out real quick that it is also a man's job. If I were not working,a nd on those days I am off, I do all of the houework, and it doesn't bother me one bit because I know that he is at work. It often causes an argument though when he gets off of work much earlier than me, or has the day off while I am working and simply doesn't do anything around the house. I believe that if both are working, both need to help around the house. [lynnemg]
I think that both woman and man should work together on doing the house work I dont believe that any particular gender should be made to feel like its there soul duty to do anything I feel like husbands and wives should pitch in together and share the house work.happy [apples99]
I think ''Big man''concept last from thousands years ago, when emperor dominated the world,then of course ppl think men are stronger and more powerful than women!That is really unfair for women, but unfortunately the idea is ineradicable in ppl's mind. Husbands need to share housework with wives if they have time.If they dont have time, hire a maid or a part time to do it, wife is not there to do housework only. [NancyXie]
since i haven't married yet, so i dont have a husband, but from me, i think its ok if hubby do housework, maybe its juz men with their pride, hehehe... [puguhsanty]
I think that you have a very considerate and thoughtful husband since he is willing to help you with the housework. He is definitely a lot better than a lot of other husbands out there who just lets their wife do all the chores. Your husband has nothing to be ashamed of, he is doing some housework because he loves you and wants to help you out, not because he is afraid of you. [silverglint]
I can understand where your husband is still concerned with his reputation, as it was a thing of the past, and still is in some situations. Especially when a man is used to the wife doing the chores. My fiance and I do a bit of housework but we also do not own the house in which we live, my fiance's mother and father does, and we live with them. We are equally responsible in chores and such, and we are very glad that we are. Even so, we have not been made to do so strictly but have done so as to respect them, and also let them know we appreciate them letting us stay with them. [SomeCowgirl]