Many people here will be aware that following illness last year I have taken some time out of work to practice my housekeeping skills whilst my wife brings home the bucks for a while. Now I never do things halfheartedly. Having taken on this challenge I decided to seek some professional help. I went to se my mother. She was a young housewife in the 1950s and would know what was required. Her first comment rather floored me. "Hire a cleaner" she said. "Get her to come in the mornings then you can spend the afternoon drinking gin or seducing the window cleaner". Thanks Mum. Our window cleaner is quite a pleasant chap, but I don't want him flapping his chamois leather anywhere near me thank you. So I borrowed a book of domestic etiquette from her. Apparently, I have to rise an hour before my wife. Trot downstairs and fix her her favourite breakfast. She may have important meetings today about vital business matters that I am not likely to understand, but she needs her energy. I should take her a cup of tea in bed and then retire to the bathroom to bath or shower and make myself adorable and ready to serve her breakfast when she comes down. Once breakfast is served. Midweek it should be quite light: bacon, sausage, eggs, mushrooms, fried bread - and then wave her a fond farewell. Apparently I should kiss her enthusiastically so that she remembers my tender kisses and is not tempted by any of those predatory jocks at her office. If we had children I should also get them up so that they can wave goodbye to mummy. Alone again, my next job is to clean the house from top to bottom ensuring that her clothes are ironed and hung up neatly. She should never see her clothes anyway but perfect. I don't think that I am supposed to use starch on her silk blouses, so at least that's one chore I don't have. Later on I can pop over to a neighbour for coffee. We can exchange recipes and fashion tips. So I cannot stay long as the washing will be done and I need to get it out to dry. Under no circumstances should she come home and find it still hanging. Such indolence might make her stray into the arms of the first man she see. The afternoon can be spent ironing and finishing any little chores not done earlier. Late afternoon I should start my evening meal preparation. Only buying her favourite cuts of meat and making healthy and imaginative food that will keep her from yearning for the attentions of another. I mustn't forget to bathe again and prepare myself in the prettiest way that I can. I should welcome her home at the doorstep. Give her her slippers and the evening paper and settle her down with her favourite drink. I should keep all noise to a bare minimum as she will have had a busy day and may need to be thinking about important decisions that need to be made tomorrow. It is very important that I listen to her and help her relax. This is her home and she needs these precious hours away from the office to recharge her batteries. I shouldn't volunteer any information about my day. It's not important and will only serve to distract her. At last we can head for bed. Once there I should offer to do anything that she wants. Her needs are paramount. In the morning it will start all over again. In the book the housewife illustrated had a different apron for every day of the week and the most glorious conical breasts.
I had no idea that housekeeping was so involved. Is this how all you "Domestic Engineers" live. I shall try. But don't ask me to wear a conical bra.
[question posted by p1kef1sh]
responses and comments:
;stifles laughter; good gawd p1ke.. as i read this, i realized that i am indeed pretty much cut from these pages. with the exceptions of bathing twice a day and prettying myself up.. being a valet to his every waking whim, and silencing the children or myself. LOL i also only cook for him dinner, he wouldnt eat eggs and sausage and bacon and whatevers for a "light breakfast" anyways.. but as ar as everything else? the laundry, ironing, dishes, dinner, wash, sweep, mop, scrub, fix, clean, polish, shine, mow, weed, rake... im tired just from writing the list. ..;pants;.. i take my job as "housewife" very seriously and very rarely ask he do anything around here at all cept for pick up after himself, and things that arent possible for me to do by myself. (tried moving furniture up a flight of stairs alone and nearly got dead, soo i dont do that stuff anymore!) i guess im more old fashioned than i figured happy [tessah]
Ha Im a stay at home mom and its nothing like that hear lol. I do try and do as much as I can but heck if im perfect. I have no cleaners too flirt with either. Like today Im here on mylot. I still have a kitchen to speep and clothing to iron and I dont care. I love my hubby but he can iron his own clothing if its that important to him he has clean stuff he can wear. And I am a lousy cook hed rather I didnt make him breakfast at all. [minnie_98214]
Oh yes. Everything is clear now. Don't think that I can do that though. Get pregnant. [p1kef1sh]
confused..oh my..blink....I should be fired....YEA RIGHT! like my husband could live without me!!!....well actually he probably could...quite happily too I'm sure LOL Our window cleaner is quite a pleasant chap, but I don't want him flapping his chamois leather anywhere near me thank you ROFLMFAO omg that is too damn funny!!! and as for the conical bra...try it..you just might like the way it feels against your skin w00t [Ravenladyj]
I am sue that you husband just loves the way that you are always perfectly turned out for him. I know that this is how you really live your life. A willing slave to domesticity. As for the bra. I suppose that it's somewhere to hand tea towels and cloths as I move about the kitchen. [p1kef1sh]
You could get all risque and suprise her at the door wearing only your apron... You could be the sedictive stud muffin she always wanted...w00t [BCMike]
@BCmike- that reminded me of a scene from "fried green tomatoes" where Cathy Bates greets her husband at the door wearing only cellophane...lol [Rhapsody1851]
OMG that is the best laugh I had today so far.lol I certainly hope you are not buying a "conical bra" whatever the heck they are. Never heard of a conical bra. I bet you would look sweet in it though, with your frilly apron. I am so glad I did not read the book on domestic etiquette. He can get his own dam slipper and favorite drink. I absolutely loved this part,you must have one terrific mum for her to say this. "Hire a cleaner" she said. "Get her to come in the mornings then you can spend the afternoon drinking gin or seducing the window cleaner". Thanks Mum. Our window cleaner is quite a pleasant chap, but I don't want him flapping his chamois leather anywhere near me thank you." [Goodie123]
I can see it now. You are waiting eagerly at the door for you wife. You give her a cuddle and kill her with your pointy bra.lollollol [Goodie123]
Honey also remember you got to rub her feet while she is thinking about her day.Don't never talk unless she says you can.Don't ever let her know if your upset or she might think your too needy and rush to the arms of a less needy man...lol...Did you find that stuff back in the 50's...It was cute to say the least thinking of you running around in your little pink apron and dusting and such...I am a little stay at home bumble buzzzer my self and I am much more full of my stinger then the honey.I clean and cook and all the other good stuff but if the hubby needs to come down to earth I don't mind stinging him...BUZZZZZZ [Breath]
I wasn't there in the 50's. I just borrowed my Mum's book. But I am shocked Breath to think that you don't adopt this as your own mantra for domestic bliss. LOL. [p1kef1sh]
I use to long to be a "Domestic Engineer," until I read that. How routine and boring. I mean, I kind of knew what it was all about. But reading it together like that, just seemed so uneventful. Knowing me, I would have to watch all kind of drama on television or start some of my own, hehe. It is very nice of you to have taken over for your wife though. That is really cool. I do not think she will need all the same things that the male ego requires, however. [Rozie37]
Oh yes, you know exactly what I am talking about, Mr. Mom, LOL. [Rozie37]
Good discussion pikey. No thats not how it is in my house. Im on mylot alot of my day and many other sites. His dinner is made and his clothes are washed but im not sitting here in a pretty dress and high heels after my third shower thats for sure. I hope u sleep good at night I know I do. Its just me and my cat here during the week so I pretty much do what I want. [dianel]
Heck Diane. My illusions are now shattering all over the place. I always thought that this was the bare minimum that was required. I see that I shall have to rethink my approach. [p1kef1sh]
I am prepareing to be a housewife now. However I don't want to be a housewife myself. I am forced by my mother-in-law. It seems that my husband likes this motion. I don't know what should I do. Combat or obedience? Maybe I should go on working for a while and ponder carefully. [ximeiguang]
You should never allow yourself to be forced to do something that you don't want to do. I should take the time to think some more. [p1kef1sh]
Oh lord have mercy, are you a slave or a significant other in this scenario? I understand that some of that should be done, however to a point. It is wonderful you get to stay home and help your wife. I wish more men or significant others depending upon the situation were placed in that position. It is not easy doing that route for either sex. Now personally I see you more in a Demi bra not a conical bra. LOL Take care my "Domestic Engineer", don't over cook the roast and forget the iron is on. Ainge [Aingealicia]
No way, that is so wrong. Hey I am making two new blog sites one is for adults only and one is for my poetry. I will give you the links when I get them up. I know I need to take a break. Keep that ugly conical off...... Ainge [Aingealicia]
OMG This is the funniest thing I've read for a long time. It's even funnier when that is really the way it was! Oh boy baby have we come a long way! Thank heaven! [IlsaVunes]
I think that "we" have come a long way. In a rather weird way some aspects of that life have an appeal. Things seemed much more certain, if a little predictable, compared to today. But I would be very surprised if anyone were to follow that lifestyle these days. Thank you Ilsa. [p1kef1sh]
lol...I'm not a conical bra type either....but that kind of sums up a housewife's role....haha especially in India...where women (hardly any husbands stay home) do exactly what you mentioned in your post. I was just talking to my girlfriends yesterday (yes, the mid morning coffee break) ...and we all agreed that we were maids who did the housework and that's how the husbands saw us....we didn't like being called a 'housemaid'. Well, this is more like I am when I have no toddlers are around...now I tend to leave chores undone if I don't feel upto it. But I'm making sure that my kids don't grow up thinking that this is how a 'Domestic Engineer' lives...even if they decide to be the ones staying home. But I see a lot of my friends this way....the only difference is that the coffee break (or the tea break) is a walk in the evening ....and if the husband turns up when the wives are talking their regular walk, you will find the wife rushing off to make tea for her tired husband (even if she is mid sentence with a friend)....who decided to come home a few minutes early(not that they are going to spend the time talking or sharing). [SViswan]
My mom wasn't like that...but most women in India are brought up believing they are born to be housemaids. Thankfully, times are changing now...especially in cities. But we are basically still doing the same thing...even when we have cleaners coming in to help us. Wow....catch me chatting with a cleaner! Anyways, we can't relate to them....I had a house help once who was 3 years younger than I was (she was around 28) and was a grandmother!!! She had her first child at 14...who in turn had her first child at 14! Though I know that I am more of a housemaid....I'd strangle my husband if he even dared mentioned it. lol..I'm kidding...though I do most of the cleaning and cooking....it's not like I don't have a say in matters of importance. My friends and I were joking about being a housemaid part because we came across an ad in the paper...that read 'WANTED - house help...needs to be a bed partner too'! and we said...what the person's looking for is a wife! [SViswan]
I have the same book. It was also my mother's and by the time I graduated High School my mother had made me memorize it. It was also her Wedding present to me - just in case I needed to refresh my knowledge! LOL So my advice to you is to burn it - along with the conical bra, although it occurs to me that seeing as the fifties are long gone, wearing the conical bra where you usually wear your tighty whities, might be rather fun for both you and your hardworking, needs a good laugh to relax at the end of the day wife. ROFL Send pics! Please!!!!! [sparkofinsanity]
A 32AAA would be perfect cup size for a Golf ball or maybe a ball SLIGHTLY larger. So I would that would be about perfect for you? LOL.... And of course I'm wicked. Blame Nova! LOL [sparkofinsanity]
If any housewife really does all that, I'd like to know where she got the other hours from because 24 wouldn't be enough! You have probably worked a lot harder if you have managed to do all that stuff! She should appreciate what you do just as much as you appreciate what she does! I would not expect someone to tell me about their day without being able to talk about mine. Some of this old fashioned stuff is ok but some of it is just complete pigswill as I am sure you know! I think you might look good in a conical bra. I don't have one of those though. Nor, in fact, do I own an apron. I believe my other half owns two, not that he ever uses them, just complains when he spills something down his t-shirt! [pumpkinjam]
I am old fashioned in some ways. If it was actually possible to be entirely dependant on a husband, I might do it! And I do still doubt very much that any woman at any time could do all you said although I was thinking about it and it would be nice to have two baths a day! [pumpkinjam]
No disrespect but the book must have been written by a man. I can't even imagine my grandmother having gone to those extremese, bless and she was fantastic at housekeeping. The hire the cleaner bit sounds tempting but not the G&T I get squiffy after just a glass of wine so to drink in the afternoon would be disastrous and probably would end up seducing the window cleaner LOL. Great discussion. I am amazed with all the duties expected that the housewife actually got time to have tea at a neighbours and exchange recipe ides. Thanks for enlightening us on the fact that the good old days probably weren't especially for the concientious housewife eh! Ellie :D [ellie333]
Or by like you say a bored middle class woman who had servants do all hers for her. Oh before the days of holidays on the moon and journeying to Mars we used to jet off to Spain instead LOL. Ellie :D [ellie333]
I know you deserve a better response than this, but I just can't get past the image of you in a conical bra! I remember those things, not that I ever wore one, I was a bit too young when they were all the rage, but I can remember seeing them in and among my sisters and mothers things. Yikes! Scary things, they were. But have you considered a couple of tassles stuck sweetly to those little pink nipples, darling? I haven't tried them myself, but I understand that it's not too hard to learn how to make them go in opposite directions at the same time. And if you figure out how to do it, could you provide me with a demonstration, please? I wanna do it too. [novataylor]
You want me to go around like some Mississippi show boat gal? What a sight. Would be very funny though. Until the red necks caught up with me. Haha. [p1kef1sh]
Errrm, yes......yes, that's exactly what we all do.......no.........really. ;) Oh don't say you don't believe me. :) [dorypanda]
See that brain training isn't wasted. I bet you were sharper than ever doing the washing up! Wish I could train my brain. But to do what? Got to find it first. [p1kef1sh]
lol is that book from the 50's as well ? lol. I dont do half of that hahah. That made me laugh pretty hard p1ke. thanks for the laugh ;) i'm sure you will do fine at home and your spouse would apprietiate any help with housework that you give her! And besides if its just you and her at home, no kids, then you should be able to keep up with the housework fairly easily, as long as your not like pigpen (character from the peanuts, charlie brown) like my hubby. [Sissygrl]
I didnt think you were nagging. I was having a pretty bad few days there.. where i got no sleep.. well.. some broken sleep.. but i had a good stretch of sleep last night so i am feeling better and more patient with a certain someone. [Sissygrl]
I think you should be very good looking in a conical bra.! [Kahawa]
You´re so wellcome,both to Stockholm and with a mail some time.Best regards [Kahawa]
Well dear Piky...im so pleased to see that you have this all wrapped up!!...I actually picked up a Womans journal from the 1950s in a charity shop..it wa marvellous...packed with very similar information ..... Would you like me to make you a pinny Dear?? Im a dab hand with the old singer you know....a crossover one may suit you...please forward your measurements...dont worry about the inside leg though. You know my hubby has been away form work for a year too..due to ill health...and God bless him..he actually spoils me to death!!....apart from holding the bunch of grapes for me to nibble from..he thinks of everything else!... I hope this meal planning takes your budget into consideration..lolol...shin is good..but cook it well!!! A conical bra????...now im struggling to picture you in one...isnt that what Madonna once wore in a photo shoot ?? But i remember them..they were all seamed in a circular `motion`until it appeared that your nipples stood out like chapel hat pegs....usually made in a good white serviceable cotton......Go forth dear Piky...and tend to Mr Pikes every whim....and keep up the good work!!!! [ruby222]
You've gone and done it now Ruby. Nipples like chapel hat pegs! What a thing to say to an impressionable young boy like myself. I shall be all hot and bothered all night. I may have to attend very carefully to Mrs P1ke this evening now!! I have a rather fetching Kath Kidson floral pinny, but you cannot have enough. Crossover sounds like Mrs Danvers for some reason. I don't think she actually wore a pinny in Rebecca. But I may be wrong. But it is all there in your Woman's Journal I'll bet. Amazing what women were advised to do to keep their man and be the perfect wife in those days, [p1kef1sh]
Oh my whoever wrote that book must have been living in a different era for I do not remmber doing all those things as a house wife. whew it made me tired just reading all that you must do to help you working mate. most of us also held a job so some of that just would not have flown. but it is fun to read. I am so glad I did not have to do all of that myself. but no conical bra, shucks nellie. [Hatley]
I suspect that it was written by somebody that did not know one end of a brush from the other. But it is a giggle. There are quite a few such books about. As for conical bras. Not really my thing. [p1kef1sh]
Do you know how I can get hold of this book? I am not a housewife, or even a wife at all, as of yet. But, in case I ever do become one, I want to know what to do and how to act. I'd hate to be shown up by any of those on Wisteria Lane. This all seems quite logical to me. so much so, that instead of becoming a housewife, I shall begin searching for a house husband. If I find a good one, I will even provide the pointy bra.rasp [dfn12968]
Rats. I only do bottomless. Never mind. (You can tell it's half past midnight!) [p1kef1sh]
hey!now you got me thinking!i first thought that i would be a housewife rather that's what i wanted to do for long,very long.i thought i would love to take care of the house,be there for my husband and have fun and long talks when he's back.never before i thought that there would be different things to do at the same time.if this is what being a house wife means then i wouldn't want to be one! [wittyakanksha]
That's what it would have been like in the 1950s, they say. I doubt it really. Give it a try and tell us. LOL. [p1kef1sh]
This is Fantastic!!!!!!!! I don't know about other people , but my Husband doesn't want to hear anything but good news when he gets home from work. When we first had the Baby.....I wouldn't dream of telling him how the Baby bit me in the neck , Back , and shoulders ( he was using me as a teething ring ) I looked like I just climbed out o' the Boxing ring for about a year and a half ! Perhaps that's why I had a nuclear meltdown!!!! ( UGH ) I've learned it's just easier to bite my tongue. But every once in a while.....I put my foot down ( He complains about that too ) I still love him.....it's just who he is. You get used to it! [agfarm]
That sounds like mostly compromise on your side. But if you are happy then that's great. I wonder how many housewives were like that really. I am dead certain the most were not. Like "helpful" books today, you only take from it what appeals. I am not sure that there was anything in that book, except the notion of a routine perhaps, that I would have used. Glad you are healed from all that biting! [p1kef1sh]
Oh My Goodness..... That is all I can say. My husband would ask where his real wife was if I were like this. That is way too much going on. I can say that I do clean, cook, and take care of the children, but not to this extent. I don't feel all of this is necessary because my husband is home most of the time anyway. He runs his business online, so this enables him to be home a lot. Now of course he does nothing but sit, watch TV, play video games, and practice (he's a full-time musician) all day. He still believes I should do all the housework though. I must say, hail to this housewife, because I'm not doing it!!! [teeaye98]
Sounds like you do quite a lot already. Now you are always beautifully dressed and made up when you do it aren't you? No jeans or sweat pants now. LOL. I wonder if anyone really did all that stuff. Must be barmy if they did. [p1kef1sh]
LOL..Is the book called Fascinating Womanhood?? If not it sure sounds like it. I have this book and it is great for a laugh when you need one. Wearing that bra should be the best part... [skinnychick]
Awwww my P1key! Thanks for the BR! You were and are a great sport and a fine chap! XOXOXXOXOXOXO [skinnychick]