my boyfriend lives with me and i thought we'd share the housework when he moved in here. he lives here, he can help out, right? wrong! he pays half the bills but appears to think that he doesnt have to do anything to help clean the house. he only does things that pertain to him, his laundry, cooking what he wants and not doing his dishes afterwards, etc. the dishes can sit in the sink for days on end and he will not lift a finger to do them and if he does, he does only what he dirtied up and leaves mine sitting in the sink. i hate dirty dishes in the sink, it drives me nuts but here lately i will let them sit seeing how long it is before he lifts a finger to do them all or if i end up doing them. his half of the bills he pays, he must think that it includes maid service, me! here lately too, he has signed up for facebook and is addicted to playing alot of the games in there. today, all he did was eat breakfast, go play facebook games, go out and get his mail out of the mailbox, play more games then off to take a nap before going into work. i know that i'm out here online alot but i have enough sense to know to get offline and do things around the house and yard work. him, play games and games and games and i'm getting pretty tired of it. his internet addiction is getting way out of control especially with the facebook games!
i figure that he lives here, he can help scrub or vacuum the floor, he walks on them, he can clean the bathroom, he uses it too, he can do dishes, he uses them. can you see a pattern here? what pertains to us and household chores, well, he thinks he doesnt have to help out. my thoughts are, if you use it, walk on it, sit on it, by gosh, you can help keep it clean. does your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/roommate ever help you with the household chores???? do you do them all by yourself? what percentage of the work do they help you with?? alot or little at all expecting you to do it all??????
[question posted by 4pawsx4]
responses and comments:
I am not very good at the house work but I will fix meals every once in awhile and if I want clean clothes I have to wash them. Some people aren't capable of seeing work for themselves. You have to tell him what you want done or give him a choice. Do you want to fix dinner or do dishes. If he doesn't want to do either then just fix for yourself and clean up after yourself leaving his mess for him to clean up. [lotterylover]
we both do our own laundry and if he cooks, i clean the dishes. its when he cooks for himself that he leaves the dishes for me to do. if i leave his dishes in the sink, they have been known to stay there for 2-3-4 days. he forgets that they are his dirty dishes, thinks they are mine and he wont touch them. it all falls back on me and i'm getting pretty tired of it. now if he was holding down 2 jobs, i maybe could see it but he has 1 full time job and the rest of his time is playing computer games while i'm outside doing yard work, tending to the garden, etc. he wont help with the garden but he'll sure eat it when I bring the stuff inside the house. i had to till the ground, plant the plants, water them daily, weed the garden and pick the ripe veggies. he didnt help one bit but he sure eats the heck out of whatever comes out of the garden. geez, sometimes i long for the days when i lived alone!!!! [4pawsx4]
My partner and I just moved in together in June. So far, we've been pretty even with the amount of work we do around the apartment but I definitely feel like there are days when I'm dead tired but still manage to come home and do things around the place that they've had plenty of time to do all day while I've been working. They work too but it's part time. I'm working full time and still manage to do the things that need done. I don't feel like it's always fair. Now, we have paid bills 50/50 for the most part so that's never been an issue. [highflyingxangel]
It was probably the way we were raised. My mother wouldn't let me do anything except maybe paint the house and mow the lawn. After I spilled paint down the front of the house onto the awning she wouldn't even let me do that. I could work on the cars some but I wasn't very good at that either even if my father were a mechanic. Your roommate won't get better after you marry either so I think I would be looking elsewhere. There is a saying among men that I would think about. It goes like this, "Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free through the fence?" My daughter has had 3 men ask her to marry them and she never even kissed them. [lotterylover]
Well you know how men can be. If you say anything he will either get a bad azz attitude about it and stomp around making a big deal out of sweeping or dusting. In any case within a week he will be back to his same old ways. Only thing I can think of is make a Daily Chore List and attach a pen to it and inital off each chore you do and have him do the same. If he does not change up his rent by 10% and give it to yourself for a salary!happy [muscles4me]
It sounds to me like you did more than your share. Good luck with getting him to even slightly admit he is in the wrong.angry [muscles4me]
Well my daughter, husband and granddaughter live with me. I had told them from the beginning I would do the laundry in the house. I also said you need to keep your room cleaned and help out with some of the chores. They do both work and I'm taking care of my granddaughter while they are at work, but please clean up after you make a mess. I sometimes feel like I'm a live in maid in my own home. I know if I wasn't living here this house would be a pigsty. I can't believe my daughter knows how I like a clean house at all times but she didn't turn out like that at all. So yes they take me for granted because they know I can't stand seeing a mess anywhere. What I have been doing is just closing their bedroom door so I don't have to see the mess. Your boyfriend should be doing 50/50 with the chores just like my daughter but people are set in their ways and they usually don't change unfortunately. Good luck to you! [lelin1123]
Yes I would be doing the same thing if I was in someones house. Like you said pulling my own weight. If your boyfriend use to keep his apartment clean then you need to ask what happen that he can't help out with this apartment. Its not like he was a slob and usually a slob is hard to change. Since you are so upset about this you really need to tell him he needs to pull his own weight. After all its great when everything is clean and you can both relax and enjoy your time together. As for going to a casino when he works in one all week I find that a little crazy. You would think he would want to be as far away from a casino as possible. I hope things work out for you. Good luck and have a great weekend. [lelin1123]
Hmmm,actually I am a lazy man, but now so lazy,I live with my girlfriend too. I do all the things I could, cleaning the house ,washing the dishes after dining etc. But I don't do any cooking, because my girlfriend cook better than me. and I think the housework should do together although sometimes will play games and games and games,Ha,maybe the boys love play games. [sample2009]
you're not too lazy if you help clean the house, dishes, etc. if your girlfriend cooks, i guess its only fair that you do the dishes. you may think you're a lazy man but to me, you'd be a prince by helping out! (do you have a brother who is single and like you? LOL). oh, he loves his computer games, no doubt about that! if things dont turn around, he'll be the victim playing my game of 2-4-6. 2 doctors 4 hours to take my size 6 shoe out of his butt! [4pawsx4]
I live by myself in an apartment, so I have to take on all the responsibilities and chores on my own. It's not that hard, actually- I just cook, clean, and do the laundry for one person. However, I sometimes have friends over which requires me to do a little extra cleaning, but they do help me out with the dishes (they simply insist.) [virusxtreme24]
oh i remember my days of having an apartment. it was so much smaller than my house and so much easier to keep clean! ahh, good friends always insist on helping with the dishes. i know i always do when visiting someone! and a little extra cleaning before friends come visit, takes no time at all. if you ever have someone move in with you though, just make sure you set some ground rules. i didn't and that was my mistake. his apartment was always clean so i thought that it would be something that he would automatically do once he moved in here. nope. didnt happen. [4pawsx4]
my mum and dad are very busy,so at summer holiday or winter holiday,I do the housework, I do all the household chores because I my parents are often very tired when they get out of work,I will scrub the floor,do dishes,and cook,though the food,is not excellent, I just do what I can do for them. [judy1988]
you sound like an excellent daughter who cares deeply for her parents enough to help do the household chores! bravo!!! do what you can for them while they are still 'here'. i lost my parents years ago and wish i would have done more for them while they were still alive. doing what you're doing for your parents is a good way to repay them for bringing you into this world and raising you. thanks for the response! [4pawsx4]
As of right now I am responsible for 99.9% of the household "chores." My husband and I have just recently moved for his job. So he has a job right now and I'm still looking for work. Therefore I'm home all day and "should be the one doing the chores." It's understandable but at the same time annoying and frustrating at times! Sometimes a woman has more of a purpose than just household chores. I need to get a job ASAP. Even then most of the chores will be my responsibility. I can get my husband to take the trash out - as long as I have it tied up and outside and replace the trash bag. HAHA [Jennlk84]
same here. he will take out the trash but i too have to have it bagged up and waiting for him which again makes me feel like i do everything around here. you are so right when you say that a woman has more of a purpose than chores!!!!!!!! my boyfriend is working full time and i was forced retired when my job moved to india. i guess since i'm home all day, i should have nothing better to do than clean which is why i'm looking for a job. it will get me out of the house and away from the frustration of watching him sit on his butt on the computer while i'm busting my butt to do things........ arghhhh! [4pawsx4]
I do all the House work, but my Husband pays all the bills, and he also takes care of the vehicles, and the yard work. When our children were young he also shared in taking care of them. But in your situation where you are both working, and are splitting the bills, the house work should be split also. [dlr297]
you would think but even when i was working full time, i had to do everything. we both take care of our own cars and yard work. luckily i never had kids, i'd probably feel like a single mother! its not fair........ [4pawsx4]
Help with housework? Ha Ha Ha! My boyfriend and I live together with our 2 children. I am unable to work as my boyfriends ex is now working and needed a babysitter for their daughter. He is already paying her child support and cannot afford to pay any additional funds for daycare. After we talked he told me that if I helped with daycare that I didn't have to go out to get a job. I told them that I would watch their daughter at no cost to either of them. Ok, I myself receive child support for my daughter and that money goes into the household, but my boyfriend still picks up all the financial slack so he doesn't figure that he should have to assist me with housework as he works long hours. I don't ask for much of anything but what I do ask for is for everyone to pick up after themselves, rinse their plates from dinner, take out the trash....very little but it still seems to be a great inconvenience to him and his son. My daughter tries to help but I don't let her very often as I don't feel that it should be her and I - I would rather see her be a kid first, so I take on all the household chores, taxing, medical appointments for his son, school related issues, cooking, dishes & daycare of his daughter all on my own. I don't think it should be a case of whomever puts forth the majority of the money then the other should have to take care of everything else. [dbabcook]
nope, it shouldnt be a case of who puts forth the majority of the money. everything should be split 50-50 in my opinion, bills, chores, yard work, etc. in your case, i guess your boyfriend doesnt realize how much work there is in what you're doing with babysitting, cleaning house, running errands for his son, etc. what i would give to be able to switch places with some of these lazy-azz men so that they could see what all happens during the day hours and how much effort goes into making sure everything gets done. if housework was a paid profession, i'd be willing to bet it would be a high paying job! these men just dont realize it or 'get it'. [4pawsx4]
bwahaha..help? what's that? they never help.not unless i'm extremely ill..then they deign to do it..eventually. i had to get up early from serious surgery to clean because the dishes were getting really,really gross.angry [scarlet_woman]
oh good lord..i hate those blowbackers. uh,the reverse guilt fails after awhile,y'know..glare my ex made that a fine artlol [scarlet_woman]
Oh lord lol... My husband is finally getting a PINCH better than normal, and that isn't saying too much lol. For the past two years I have almost always done everything from dishes, to washing and drying clothes, putting them away, cleaning the living room, vaccuuming, girls room duty, bathroom detail, etc, and more. He would "rarely" do some dishes or make food. Even once in a blue moon he would sweep the floor. But recently I think I have made him realize how much i actually do around here and how I have no time even for my kids because I have so much work to do, so I have been coming home to a clean floor in the kitchen and living room, which is a start. LOL... [hmfryklund]
i'd do anything to have a start like that!!!! a clean kitchen floor and living room? its a start, you're right about that. its baby steps i guess but mine runs in the opposite direction rather than meet me half way and give me some help. angry i guess because he thinks i'm retired, i have all day to do it. what he doesnt realize is even the quick pick up jobs take time too and usually are not that quick to do. i hope your husband continues in the right direction!! the rest of us on this discussion are no doubt very envious!!! [4pawsx4]
well...from a man's view,cooking,washing dish...come on.It's my wife's duty!!!From my country,my father likes your boy friend.we all agree to that!! [Nicolas309058290]
all depends on if your wife works or not. if she does, then she'd appreciate help around the house so that she can have some relaxing time for herself i would think. [4pawsx4]
I get help but it is after a great deal of complaining which I find hurtful because I don't see why he can't just help me because he cares and not because I am nagging him. I will continue to put my foot down though because I refuse to be the one to do it all. I've had to curb my perfectionist tendencies and let some things go which was hell for me but that is the only way I can make the point that I should not be the only one to be slaving over the house! The thing that upsets me the most about this is the fact that I cannot have the same amount of time he does to devote to a career because of all my responsibilities at home! Sometimes it is a matter of taking a holiday for a while and leaving the other people in the house to fend for themselves! [paula27661]
you are so right....... why cant they help because they care about us rather than due to our nagging, yelling, etc. i too have had to cut my perfectionist tendencies way back which bugs the hell out of me. doesnt he realize that 2 paychecks coming into your home would be better if he helped around the house rather than 1 with you driving yourself nuts cleaning all the time? whats with some of these men? they just dont use common sense sometimes!!angryangry [4pawsx4]
i do nothing in my house and often get scoldings from my family that i don't do any thing at home but i do some thing or the other when i m in a good mood and when really help is needed [surfermac]
always offer your help to do things around the house..... that way everyone is happy and in a good mood!!! [4pawsx4]
my hubby does a great amount of the cooking in our house and my kids since they are older, they help with vacuuming and whatnot. i do all of the laundry though. we make a great team. [cher913]
does your husband have a brother who is single and like him? if so, i'm interested! lol mine will do some cooking on his days off from work and i do the cleanup which i think is a fair trade off. its when he cooks for himself, leaves his dishes in the sink, messes up the bathroom 15 minutes after i've cleaned it, doesnt help sweep the floors, etc. those kinds of jobs fall on me which are many. on top of that, i've recently had to go from room to room turning off the lights he leaves on. he's like following a 2 year old around!!! arghhh! [4pawsx4]
Hello 4pawsx4, first of all, I just want to tell you to drop your boyfriend. I must say that he is so selfish and self-centered. I am not very good at doing housework and my husband knows that I don't like doing housework. So, he helps me out with about 75% of the houseworks. As I have sensitive nose and allergy to dust, my husband will sweep the floor, mop the floor, vacumm the floor, help with the laundry, make breakfast during Sunday, take turn to wash the toilets, water the plants, wash our car, etc....Come to think of it, he really does more houseworks than me. Hmmm.... I must say that I am quite guilty of not being a good wife.....But nevertheless, what I want to say is since he is also living in the house, he should be asked to do half of the housework and not just do his portion. Cheers =)) [thhoon72]
i really sometimes wish i could get rid of him!!!!! there are some financial issues lingering in the background that keep me from moving his stuff out to the driveway and changing the locks on the doors. when he moved in here back in 2004 i believe, he wanted a garage, i did not. i told him if he wanted it, he buy/pay for it. he did, $15,000. the loan was in my name but he marked all of his checks 'GARAGE PAYMENT'. he also gave away all of his furniture, dishes, etc instead of putting them into storage like i suggested (why not put all your stuff in storage in case we dont work out, you'll have everything you need for an apartment, house, whatever). i have over heard him on the phone talking to his brother saying if he moved out of here, he would sue me for the $15,000 plus take 1/2 the dishes and a few select pieces of furniture. angry i guess i need to talk to a lawyer and see if he can sue me. what i do know is, if he ever moved out and we did end up in court with him suing me, he is a very convincing liar and would convince the judge to give him everything. not saying that would happen but he's just that good of a liar. in the back of my mind, i keep thinking that he is wanting and waiting for me to kick him out so he can sue me. if he leaves on his own, he'll just take of mine what he can get his hands on while my back is turned and not be able to sue me as it was his choice to move out. NO NO NO you are not a bad wife!!! you are a GOOD wife and have a caring husband who will help out. you're one lucky woman, trust me on that one!!!!! [4pawsx4]
Hi 4paws....If I had to wait on my husband to wash a dish in our house I would be waiting a long time. Men just think as long as there is a woman in the house they are suppose to do all the so called "womans work". My husband spends most of his time getting firewood and all that stuff so we have heat in the winter so I can't say he is lazy when it comes to work around, but he could help in the house one in awhile especially since he doesn't hold down a regular job because of health issues. So to not fight everyday about who does what we just split the work up to inside and outside. That way it saves alot of stress and fighting and I get to stay nice and cool in the air conditioning. flutterby . [flutterbykisses]
hey flutter!!!! you're right, he could help inside with housework on occasion! that would not kill him one bit to lend a hand. i've tried to get him to split the housework and he refused to follow through on his end, the jerk! that reminds me of my ex-coworker. his wife does not work and does nothing at all around their house and i mean nothing! he told me one time that he left dirty dishes in the sink, dishes from him, his wife and kid. she couldt even load the dishwasher she was so lazy. he said that the dirty dishes stayed in the sink for 4 months before he did them! ewwww, gross! she is literally mental though, a real nut case. still though, he could do some things around his house just like i expect mine would offer to carry his end of the deal of living here and chip in on cleaning. i'm almost ready to just give up!!! good for you!!!! your half of the 'chores' get you to stay indoors in the a/c!!!! lucky girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [4pawsx4]
Thing in between will worsen than.Male or female,on has to be responsible for household requirements.It's a basic duty of every family member. [mtvmtv]
you're right, i agree 100%. they will worsen if i dont get any help! every family member should help regardless of where they live or with whom they live. its called 'doing your share'. its a shame most dont see it like that though, a real shame. you've summed up everything that i've been thinking in 3 sentences! great response, thank you!!!!!!! [4pawsx4]
Men are such jerks in this areas. Now, not to say some really are dears and do help and put forth. I really think this is something two people need to discuss before they move in together. Expecting doesn't make it happen! You have to set it down between the two of you what the expectations are. My x always helped out. When he wasn't working he would just dive in and get the place cleaned up and the laundry done and have dinner ready ,or nearly so, and errands ran. He was a rarity. [celticeagle]
And, alot of men just lose all reality when they get a girl in the mix. They think they don't have to do anything anymore. [celticeagle]
Sounds like my husband! We've been married 40 years and my husband has never done a load of wash, loaded the dishwasher or anything around the house except take out the trash. When he's out of town, I take out the trash. I can handle his household duties all by myself..lol We had three kids at home, I did all the housework, visited both my parents in separate nursing homes, worked part time and was in college all at the same time. Of course I was 20 years younger or more. Finally I hired a cleaning lady. She retired and I hired another one about 3 years ago. She comes every 2-3 weeks and I do it all in between. I recently quit my part time job so have more time to spend at home cleaning. I've always been expected to take care of everything in the house ever since we were first married. One day I asked my husband to check the vent from the dryer to the outside and he didn't have a clue which appliance was the dryer! [carolbee]
Nope, he didn't know the difference between the washer and the dryer. He has no clue how to do laundry. Something happens to me, he's going to have to find another wife real fast....lol [carolbee]