I have been a stay-at-home wife for 8 months now. Being a teacher for 11 years (and an Executive Assistant for 5 years prior to my teaching profession) I can feel the pressure of staying at home and just doing nothing but chores. I have never been domesticated in my entire life. And I have never realized that doing housework is more stressful than a real job.
Well there are advantages and disadvantages. And I know now because I have been both. And I can't wait to work.
What are you... a home-maker or a career woman?
MEN... YOU ARE NOT EXCEPTED TO RESPOND TO THIS POST. So which do you prepare for your wife/future wife... a homemaker or a career woman, why?
Check my blog on this too. Thanks. http://ruthinian.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/feeling-the-pressure/
[question posted by ruthinian]
responses and comments:
hi there i think it all comes upon the income of your husband. if u sre financially sound then chill at home otherwise toil hard to make the ends meet [adnanezzi]
I believe so too. I need to work because I need to help my husband pay our bills. It's just that I still dont have my driver's license and car. And I just got my green card. [ruthinian]
As a woman, I have tried working outside both as a teacher for 3 years and a call center agent for another 3 years. I've also had other employment experience but short lived ones. With all those years of working combined, I know it's still too short but I think I have had enough. Right now, I enjoy staying at home with my husband all the time because he too just works at home. He is a dentist and his clinic is just next to our house. Aiming to be somebody in the corporate world or in the academe was a thing in the past to me. As for now, I just enjoy my stay here in our house 24/7. My husband and I plan to go to US or Canada in the future so that means I will be obliged to work again and I'll just wait for that time to come. [clowdine]
Good for you. But for me I need to work to help my husband pay our bills. Can't wait for the spring or summer because I will be working soon. [ruthinian]
The best would be a balance of both...but to have a position on your question, I would say that I prefer a career woman. That's because I am still young and, still the most important thing for now is financial development...of course this is easier and the objectives are more realistic when in two...careers... Also I am stil at the age when it doesn't bother me much to eat in a restaurant or a fast-food...so there's no so much need of having someone home expecting me with warm meals on the table... But when "grown-up", I think stability is what matters more, and stability for a man is given by a woman who takes care of things back home (not exclusively, but usually). On the other hand, I don't see why responsabilities have to be different? [klaudyou]
Its men like you who help women be accepted in the working world even if they have a husband and children. Its good to be open for your wife/future wife and let her choose to stay home or go out and make a living. Nothing wrong with a working woman :) [jezzikabret]
I am a working housewife for more than 26 years now. It is really hard to be a working housewife/mom. But my priority is my family, my kids when they were still small. I was always late, halfday in work and had been given memo for my poor attendance. There was a point that I just wanted to stay at home. But then, I've realized that its boring to stay at home all the time. If I could have all the money, I want to stop or retire from work and have a tour of other countries to enjoy and relax. [joyce959]
Of course, I know some women work because they have no other choice. But given the choice they will take the most important want and that is always the family. But of course, given this situation, women are alwasy willing to make sacrifices. Thanks. [ruthinian]
I understand how you feel right now, I've been there. I am not married yet though, but I used to be busy with my On-the-job training then got a job and in all those years I merely get to sit down at the house and have fun with my family. I was busy with work, now that I stay at home everyday, sometimes I do feel the pressure, but since I got myself busy again with medical transcription course, which I am taking through home study program, I seldom get bored now. Then came myLot, I'm having fun with. Maybe you need some time off the daily chores and maybe consider learning new things. [idaantipolo]
myLot really saves the day. LOL. I am still in the process of adjustment for one thing. Just got my green card and still have no car and a driver's license that is why I can't work for now. It's just that being able to work for 16 years straight then "boom"... out of work! It drives me crazy. myLot keeps my sanity intact. LOL. [ruthinian]
Im a man. Married with 2 kids.. my wife is the one who is working now. I think its almost 2years..Yes i know that it is more stressful staying home and prepare all the things your wife and your kids needs. But im thankful that i have a wife that can help me provide money that we need to pay bills and rent of the house. I want to work too to have additional income but the problem is who will be the one who will stay at home with our kids. ? [fajert]
I understand you. There are lots of men now who are staying at home like you and thier wives are the ones working and making the living for the family. I have nothing against that. In fact I admire those kind of men who are not afraid to play a second role in the family. Of course, it requires a lot of sacrifices and for you to make that sacrifice is something else. Good luck. You are the man! [ruthinian]
My wife worked as a Teaching Assistant for 10 years before deciding to be a stay-at-home mother once our kids were being born. I know she has a lot of pressures on her and she does a great job being a mother, wife, caregiver, chauffeur, cook, cleaner, ironer, dishwasher, homework leader, and so forth. At the same time she wants a bigger house, new bedroom suite, and many other luxuries. Therfore, I am stressed out to the max trying to provide. My strong opinion is that nowadays, most families need both spouses working 1 or 2 jobs just to make ends meet. Thanks! [runningman72]
Of course, it's a tough time. The economy is not stable and bills are piling up. It is really good to have two people working to make both ends meet. [ruthinian]
in your country it might be a nice idea for the man to allow his wife to stay at home but in africa its a real terrible idea to allow one's wife to stay at home, the financial burden of a african man is quite huge so he cant afford to just decide to allow his woman stay at home they both will have to look out for financial means because african is quite harsh [emma44]
NO, here, most of the couples both work. Even my in-laws, they are already half-retired but still they need a second job to make both ends meet. This is America, you cannot survive with only one paycheck coming. [ruthinian]
I am also a stay at home mom but just lucky that my employer doesn't want me quitting my job and opted for me to telecommute. I have been working at home for the last 5 years and taking care of my 2 daughters. It is quite hard but I love being a stay at home mom because I am there during the formative years of my children. When they will start school, I will return to the corporate world. Financially, if we are able to make it, I would not mind being a housewife. I am content with it. But nowadays, I think it is good if husband and wife will be working because of our economic situation, prices are skyrocketing. [ladymoonstone143]
Good for you. You are taking advantage of both worlds. Thanks. [ruthinian]
i can honestly agree with you. i have been off work for 2 wks and its driving me nuts and i finally applied for a stylist position at a local salon and i have never been so happy and relieved. this way i can work and be at home with my children. [Tweety2035]
Good for you. I think I can do that, for now. I know how to cut and style hair. I enrolled in hair-styling school before I come here to US. thanks. [ruthinian]
Here is the thing, I tried to be a housewife, take care of my child it was nice for the very few weeks, then I can tell you I ran out. I ran out like a coward and went back to work. I'm really determine to make it into the corporate world so I acn can make better money then now, and for my child to live the life that I wish I had, and for him to go to college without any worries. Although one of my friends say; that I sound like those rich people, that they give materialistic love to their children and not the lovey dovey. But in reality I'm scared that 1 day I won't have money to feed my child and that will break my heart. [cmofi123]
I can understand your predicament. I know we all want the best for our family and that calls for some sacrifices. You are not the bad one here. You just chose what you think is the best for your family. And I admire you for that. Forget what other people is saying. They don't know anything. Don't feel guilty. You know your good intention. [ruthinian]
how is raising a family and tending a home considered not a "real job" ? while i respect other peoples decisions to work outside of the home or not.. the lack of respect given to those individuals who have chosen to spend their time taking care of their family astounds me. ive been a housewife since i began having children ( 18 years now ), and theres always some male bashing feminist guru that has nasty things to say about this dying breed being "less" than what they should be. it IS a real job, its a 24/7 all the time job. the only difference is the lack of accreditations and a salary for doing it. yes, there are some women out there that claim the title of "houswife" and spend all of their time in salons while their children are at some daycare and some other women is doing their housework sitting around eating bon bons and watching soap operas eating prozac like its pez and complaining about how theyre unfulfilled in their existance. for those of us that actually raise the children we were blessed with.. that combat dishpan hands and grass stains.. cook, clean, garden, landscape, handle finances, home repair,etc etc and find it rewarding? i salute you.. its a job i take very seriously and take great pride in. there is no more important job in my oppinion than your loved ones and the care of them. Ruthi.. hang in there, youre new to this. youll find your groove with it. dont let others make you feel any less for what youre doing with your life. it IS important. [tessah]
I admire your predicament. You are right, being a housewife is a real, tough job. You cannot take a leave of absence or resign if you don't like what you are doing or get a retirement when the kids have their own families. Being a housewife is a noble profession and not all are good at it. It takes sacrifices and lots of love to be able to be a good house wife. Thanks. [ruthinian]
Well, I like being at home. It makes life so much easier when the kids are out for spring break, summer break, days off, out of school early, etc. I don't much care for cleaning house every day though,lol! The only really bad part is I feel kinda guilty because my husband works all day and I feel like I'm not contributing money-wise. But in the end, I have to say I am a home-maker. I worked for over 10 years at the Department of Revenue and lost my job at the end of 12/06. [jovimom]
Well, you are lucky that your kids are all grown up now and once they have their own family to lead, you can not see a much less stressful life. Though you are not allowed to retire or resign as a housewife. there is no such thing. lol. And of course, to help our husband pay the bill is equally important too, but we need to make sacrifices too. thanks. [ruthinian]
Well, I think being a stay-at-home mom makes life easier when it comes to the kids being out of school for spring break, summer break, other days off, getting out of school early,etc. I do feel guilty because my husband works full time, I feel like I'm not contributing money-wise. I worked at the Department of Revenue for over 10 years and lost my job in 12/06. I looked for work for awhile and we decided it would be better for me to stay at home. Goodness knows we've had our arguments since I've been at home though. After all is said and done, I would have to say I'm a homemaker. I don't enjoy doing household chores too much though,lol! [jovimom]
it's alright. Thanks for responding anyway. Take care. [ruthinian]
It would depend...if we had children and she didn't need to work I would prefer her to stay home...although if she could get a better paying job than me, I would be content to stay home and raise the kids. Now, when the kids finally get in school, then both of us could work and share in the household duties. I'm not a liberal (I don't think) but I believe in Family First...for what it's worth. [myklj999]
Of course, our family is most important. Thanks. [ruthinian]
I too have been a homemaker. Also my son now is 2 years. Happy that I was able to bring him up all by myself in the past 2 years. Looking for a job now. Lack of experience is one reason why I find it hard to find a job. I am praying everyday regarding this. [nishdan01]
Don't worry, you will get what you are praying for. The experience you need is already there, patience, perseverance, dedication, commitment... what would a boss could ask for? Good luck. [ruthinian]
I am currently starting my own home based business while working a 40 hour a week job outside the home. My husband works 40 hours a week outside the home as well (most of the time). I have to say that for me I would prefer to be home and work around my schedule and my family's schedule. I don't like being told when I can take my vacation or being made to feel like my job is in jeopardy because I want to stay home with my sick daughter or sick husband. I have held several jobs over my working career so far (started in 1989) and I must say that when you work for someone else they usually aren't family oriented at that place of business. For me, family is priority number one. For a couple of years (before I remarried) I was a single mom with a preschooler. I chose at that point to run a daycare out of the house. That's a LOT of work! That's why it's important to look into all of your options and find a home based business that is a fit for you and the lifestyle you have now as well as the lifestyle you want to have later. It usually means an interruption in your current lifestyle to achieve the lifestyle you want 5 years down the road. It's an individual choice that should be thought out as thoroughly as possible in advance. Decide how much time you want to spend on each aspect and find something that will match up with that. [ArbonneLady]
Good for you. You are one tough lady. I just got married and I know I still have a lot to learn. thanks. [ruthinian]
It depends sometimes there are men who wants the wife to be working as a team to earn something for the family.. I think it is badly needed at home as a home stay mum because women are supposedly at home watching the kids . [ayou82]
Of course, their presence is really important in the home. thanks. [ruthinian]
I think working is better way to engage time. I think if your child is small and necessary of your careness in that case u cannt all time engage in your office otherwise to be a job holder is better. [a_robinnep]
I wanted to work. I just got my green card and I am entitled to work legally now. And good thing I still don't have a kid (just a step-son). [ruthinian]
I am fifty one years old and thirty years back , when it was not a regular practice for all women to do post graduation , I finished my MA in Literature. My parents believed in educating girls so that it would give them more confidence and it would also come handy in need. That apart we were trained to be only homemakers/housewives . I was happy and devoted all my time to my only son till he came to the fifth standard. But even before this , soon after he was born I found a good teacher and learnt Classical music from scrap. When I was learning music[I had reached the advanced stage pretty fast due to the God given ear I had for music. So, at this stage students started approaching me to teach them . This was the first activity I took up. Apart from this I took an active interest in the Capital market[with the expert guidance of my chartered accountant husband who had started his independent practice after leaving his job] and started investing.It was a support to his activities. MY music group went on and next I started teaching English. This grew as a very big activity that I started getting students from all over the city, and I had different groups of students passing on the good word of mouth. In fact I was so successful that I was invited as a chief guest in my former college , in appreciation of my service to society. This is my life time achievement as a freelancer. Now I have relocated to Mumbai. I have found some writing activity in the net, and my investing goes on. I have no regrets for not taking up regular employment..I could dedicate all my time to my son in his formative years and he performed wonderfully well. He is a rank holder in a professional exam where the pass rate is 6% and is also a management grad from the most prestigious institute. I may not have earned the best money possible but earned a lot of goodwill, recognition and fame. These cannot be quantified. So, to your question--I am a selfemployed homemaker. , I feel that you can engage your time productively in some activity at home. The remuneration may not be as good as going out for a job. But this certainly has great advantages.There will be no compromise on the homefront and we can still be independent. [kalav56]
Good for you. I admire your perseverance and personal conviction on life. You are one tough lady, very decisive and firm with your decision. I made a lot of sacrifices for your family but then you were able to take advantage of your situation and turn the table around to your advantage. You just proved to me that women can really make things happen to them if they have the will and the determination to do things that matter to them. Thanks. I appreciate your response. Take care. [ruthinian]
First I thought that as I am a woman, my response is not at all required. still i thought i would answer this.wink. ACTUALLY IT IS AN ISSUE WITH WHICH I WANT TO DISCUSS. I REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHY WOMEN ARE MAinly forced to be at home when they are equally or even more qualified tahn their partners.its pity. i think you should go back to work at the earliest. [subha12]
Well with my present predicament, I am not really force to stay at home. It just so happen that I am new here, an immigrant and I just got my green card which will allow me to work legally here. I will be working soon once it stops snowing because a new driver needs a lot of adjustment with an icy road. [ruthinian]
I am a working wife, mother and bread winner of the family. I would have loved to be a stay home wife so I could take care of my kids and my family but instead I am working and my husband is the one who stays at home..but yet a husband cannot replace a mother at home.....:( [p3halliwel2005]
Of course, a woman's touch is different... if not the best. thanks. [ruthinian]
Dear Ruthinian, I would prefer a wife who would opt for job for herself being ideal looking after my childern. I would give her the freedom to choose and be like a friend just to guide her and suggestions from my side. Would provide all kinds of support for betterment of her. Also if needed I would also look after the home matter for her betterment. Hence I feel working or not working women also depends how well they can handle both the home and work may be the same can be in the case of male to. Still limitations are in both. Be a successfull women within the limitations. As my mother and sister were working persons I did not feel any discomfort it that more over I was well cared. [SHAMRACK]
Isn't it good to hear that men now are more open-minded? It's good to know that you support your wife with her decision. She is lucky to have you. Thanks. [ruthinian]
I'm got a small business at home so I stay home always. Yes a stay home mom is really stressful it's more difficult than to have a job outside but even if it hard you can feel happiness serving your husband and children. Try to make all things good for do your chores as a job and don't think it's hard coz your going to use to it. Also try to think of something to earn money while your home. Don't take all thing so seriously you must learn how to play with it. I use to work but I rather do the things I'm doing right now than to work again with a boss that I didn't like. [2btrueinu]
That is one disadvantage of working... if you don't like your boss, it is more stressful dealing with a hard boss. [ruthinian]
if we are financially stable i would prefer a homemaker wife...there's a lot of work in home that my wife will manage...example, the kids much better if the mother will take good care of them so that they will be a better person, all there problems are being address directly to the mother...most of career woman have many problems with regards to their children it is because children need affection, they don't need money always they need the parents attention...how can you do this if you are very busy in your career...worst problem will be the result of neglecting the needs of the children. [julyteen]
Of course, money one of the main motivation for working wives, and if they have a choice a lot of them would rather stay at home. TO be able to help the husband pay the bills is also important as to stay at home and take care of the kids. [ruthinian]
hi ruthinian i can understand your problem....but you should think of yourself what would u more like to do ...house-work .or any other professional job.....!! if u want to stand on ur own feet ...you must do a job !! if u can managae house work and job simultaneousy.....than it is better than d best ! [ppooja03]
I would like to work. I will work soon. I already got my green card so I am entitled to work legally now. [ruthinian]
Hi At least one point I believe you are right. The housework is perticularly trivial but gives you high stress in you life especially at the begining. But I think it is not lcaking in importance or worth. Find fun in common life, I belive you can come over and like it. [bingochen]
I guess so too. thanks. [ruthinian]
I would want my future wife to stay home during pregnancy and a few years after giving birth. Other than that it really doesn't matter for me. I will let her decide whichever she prefers. [wisedragon]
Good to hear that. Giving the wife the freedom to make her own decision is good for our self-esteem. thanks. [ruthinian]
I think it doesn't matter to be a housewife or not. You can benifit from it because you bring other persons in your family happy and relax. If your domestic economic condition is just well, why not staying at home for leading a happy life? I perfer a job which can earn money while staying at home. For example, I have a small business and employ several persons to help me to keep an eye on my business. and at the same time I count money at home.lol!Am I a daydreamer? [candyandhoney]
Good for you. I am happy to hear that. I wish I could do that too. Take care. [ruthinian]
I know how you feel and I have undergone the situations you have now. I'm very active in corporate world for 15 years, with a very nice salary and high position to boast of, until I decided to gave it up when I decided to settle down. Quitting this world is probably one of the most difficult decisions I've made. Sometimes, we have to face the consequences of our choices. I can say money is not the real issue in my case because my husband can support for all our needs. I tried to open another career by trying to engage in homebased business but the quality of the time I spend for my family suffers. Because of that, I have to give-up the business and concentrate on my family. At first, it was really very hard. I really missed that busy and complicated world, my 9-6 routine. When my baby arrived, things were changed. I no longer have extra time to think and engage in any other activity except the baby, the house and the family. It was then that I realized that being a full-time housewife is a very tough job. But as our child grows, you get the hang of it and your life goes back to normal. I still do get offers from companies willing to take my services, but as for the moment, I still want to enjoy the moment with my child. It's been three years since she was born and I can feel that soon, she will be on her own. Come next school year she will be going to school. I can now feel the excitement of bringing her to school and helping her with her assignments. Though I still have the thoughts of going back to work, I think it's gonna be when my child is old enough to be on her own. But as for the moment, my role is to be a good mom, a loving housewife and a perfect homemaker. [heart143]
Yeah, thanks a lot. Hope you get the best job suited for you soon. God bless... [heart143]
Though there are days when I feel like I need a break, I Love being a stay at home mom and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The only way I will go back to work before my son starts school is if it means the difference between us making it or not. A few months ago I was looking for a job. Things were getting tight. Then I decided to take a closer look at our budget and see if I could slim it down any more. I did, we are doing well now, and I am able to stay home for a while longer. We are even putting more into savings. These years are so fleeting and I don't want to miss them. I have the rest of my life to work for someone else, but soon my son will be grown and the opportunity will be gone. Even when I was working I had days when I was overwhelmed and didn't want to be there, so having days like that at home is no big deal. I don't think I want to go back to work just because I feel like that sometimes. [Sillychick]
Of course, kids grow so fast nowadays and before you know it they are already gone having a life of their own. And you don't want to miss the happy memories that you should have built with them. thanks. [ruthinian]
If I get married, I will let my wife decides which is better for her. I will support whatever her decision. I always think who know best about someone is herself. About my girlfriends, she likely will be a career woman. Let us see :-) [sutanhartanto]
It's good to know that there are men who respect women's decision. thanks. [ruthinian]
of course it's her choice.i will respect what she choose to be.if she wants to be a housewife,i will try to make more money,do whatever i can do to support the family.i think my future wife should have her interests,hobbies.not just stay at home,doing some housework. working is better than staying at home,you know,we must have something to strive for,to care for. [xialinye]
Of course, we know what we want and for our man to respect that is very important to us. But we can always make sacrifices if we need to. [ruthinian]
I want to be a homemaker until my baby is in school then I want to work as a photographer. Being a photographer would give me freedom to pick her up if shes sick or something at school. I could do something I love and make money while I'm at it! I think if your able to stay home with your babies while they're little thats great. If you can't or don't want to it shouldn't be held against you. Working moms love their babies just as much as stay at home moms. [jezzikabret]
of course, it's good if you can do what you want and be a mom at the same time. thanks. [ruthinian]
hmm, well, I prefer to work and earn my own living. According to me, Living off a man is quite degrading. Most of the time, they act as if they are doing you a great favor. But, I agree that housework is a great deal of work, quite stressful, and has absolutely no pay, the one thing that matters the most!! Cheers, [positiveminded1977]
I agree with you. Thanks. [ruthinian]
i am not yet a wife so my response might be somewhat bias. but in my opinion being a wife should not hinder you into achieving self growth therefore you can also do the task you regularly do as a bachelor like having a job. besides, with the way life is getting harder and harder now and economy is continuously falling, women should find ways to help their husband manage their finances efficiently by helping him pay the bills, and you can only do that if you have your own job as a source of your funds. [djmarion]
I agree with you. Making both ends meet is important to the family so someone has to make a sacrifice. thanks. [ruthinian]
I guess I'm different from alot of people, but I actually like staying at home, I like to clean and I would like to cook if I had more time to even learn it. Right now I'm working full time, while being pregnant, and its not easy, specially with the job that I have. Maybe if I had a less weight bearing job I wouldnt mind it as much but I would MUCH rather stay home than work. I was kind of raised like that so I guess thats where it comes from? [beccarose]
Hi, thanks for the response and sorry for this late reply. I know for married women, family is always their priority. And to be able to take care of their family is their great joy too. I understand, but with our economy, we don't have much choice. take care. [ruthinian]
Hi Thank you for inviting me as your friend and for the comment. You will also be able to find some good productive way of self employment sooner or later. Looking forward to more chatting. [kalav56]
Hi, thanks for the response and sorry for this late reply. Yes, I am really exploring all posibilities to earn money online since this is the only tool I got here. Take care. [ruthinian]
For me, i want to enjoy taking the responsibilities being a wife and mother at the same time enjoy working outside home.I would love to do both but i can't work outside yet so i just stay home. Sometimes i feel bored after doing everything at home.I am always in the computer but if i take longer my back complains.I hope i could be able to work soon. [giePortlandOR_08]
I wish too..Have a good day! [giePortlandOR_08]
Yeah i feel the sam eway, house work is more stressful than office work, and i love to 2 work, but in my circumstances, i just cant. [keep_onwatch]
I understand what you feel. I still can't work right now and I am so bored already. thanks for sharing. [ruthinian]
I tried to stay home with my son when he was first born. I lasted all of 8 months. I really respect stay at home Moms because I know I was not cut out for it. It is A LOT harder than people think. Don't get me wrong, I adore my son and love spending time with him, but I just couldn't stay home all day and not work. I need to have my own pay cheque coming in. I like the fact that I am providing just as much as my husband is. I may not make as much money as he does, but I am getting close, plus I still do all the house work and cooking, etc. so I think that makes me just as much an asset as his work. Being a Mommy is hard. Staying home with your kids all day is harder. We all love our children, but I just couldn't imagine spending 24/7 with them, I would pull my hair out, I need my break every day. As I said, some women are cut out for it, but I am definately not one of them. I give props to all the homemakers out there, you ladies are amazing. Good for you! [Sheena_C]
I agree with you. Working mom works harder than stay-at-home mom. Because you have to do the chores too. Unlike men, they just work and served at home.cry But for women, they work in the office and when they get home they do chores too and serve their husband. Life is fair huh. lol But being a stay-at-home mom will drive me crazy too. I want my own paycheque too and help pay the bills. And I agree with you , not because a mom works it doesn't mean that she doesn't love her kids. The more she loves them because she thinks of thier future. [ruthinian]