I realize that a lot of women out there are housewives and homemakers. I have a husband that goes to work and I stay at home with my son. I get the blues sometimes because I feel like I am hooked up to either to the washer machine or the kitchen sink. I just have one child. I don't know how any lady does it with more than one child. Any one care to share. I don't want to feel alone!
[question posted by bamakelly]
responses and comments:
I feel your pain lol. I'm a stay at home mom of 3 kids. My oldest started kindergarten this year. It gets very frustrating to always be cleaning. Especially when it is the same things every day. It gets to feel like a waste of time. So, sorry, I guess I don't have any good words of encouragement, I just wanted to let you know you weren't alone in what you are feeling. I try to get out of the house to do stuff and that tends to help. I'll go play bingo at the firehall with my friends on tuesday night or just go out and run some errands. [ravinskye]
Thank you for your reply. Wow. Three children. It seems like you certainly have your hands full. I don't feel so alone now. I think that being a wife and mother can get tiring and mundane. Maybe that is what I need to do. Just get out for a while even if it is for a short walk. You are right about it being the same things every day! [bamakelly]
Hello Bama! I have the opposite problem - I was only able to stay home with my son for his first 6 weeks and then I had to go back to work. I think you're lucky that you get to stay home with your son every day. That's my wish and I'm working to make it happen - hopefully within a year. He does stay with my parents and I do get to spend my lunchtime with him but I still miss him dearly. [deejean06]
Oh my goodness - each side has their ups and downs. I'm sure after some time I could feel the same way you do. His milestones so far - crawling, sitting up, turning over - have all been in front of his parents first I believe. Or maybe my parents don't want us to feel badly so they don't tell us... But I do feel I'm missing out on a bonding experience. I'm currently looking for some kind of work I can do at home even if my salary has to decrease a bit. For now I think it would be worth it. [deejean06]
Do you enjoy a hobby? You need to find an adult outlet. For me it's the friends I have online, writing, some crafting, and reading. It's tough to be stuck but if you can find an outlet. We do volunteer work as a family. We clean up our neighborhood and things, work with the kids at the school at the corner. Find what works for you and your family. But find something. [TLChimes]
You won't feel as bad if you have something that isn't house work and is YOURS. I love to curl up with a book and some tea when the kids are a sleep. Little ME times are really a great help. [TLChimes]
My grandmother was a housewife with 13 kids. Imagine how she felt. Actually she loved it. I don't know how she did it either. I work from home for the most part right now, so I have my 2 year old here with me most of the time and then my 9 year old is here after school and on weekends. They fight so much sometimes it is hard to get anything done. [lilybug]
w00tMy goodness girl..what you doing with your time? Why should you feel alone when you have a husband and a child? Just because you are married and have a child doesn't mean you can't pursue a dream you have or hobby etc. I had 3 kids and I did alot of things, I never had a boring time. Think about things you can do with your son, my kids knew how to read, write and add even before going to kindergarten. w00tI made friends with the neighbours, had them over, had garden parties for them & their kids, I worked from home until we broke up..I made money selling beauty products, home products, etc etc. I also took a sewing course, martial arts, etc. w00tCome on girl..there is so much that you can do.. [DancingRedFeather1]
w00tMy dear ..we only have one life to live..and we must not arrive at a age where we regret not having done more. My parents told me to get to do all I dreamed of and when am old I will have many skills and discovered who I am, what I can do and always life today as the past is gone, the future isn't there and so to live as if it was my last day. blinkI have been going through a very rough in my life but I didn't let it bother me. When I divorced..I cried..then I sad..what am I crying for..finally am free..and moved on and I keep moving on no matter what happens as you see now am 65..so am going to continue to live as if this is my last day..why..because it could be..as we never know how long we will live and I thank God every day to be blessed that am still here on this earth. w00tLook around and see how u r blessed. go to www.cryofthespirit.com and click on the movie THANK YOU..a poem I wrote and the pastor chose saying it was really great. Once you read this you will be encouraged and never be down again.. [DancingRedFeather1]
Do you have a car? I found that I needed to get out sometimes and I would take the boys to the park and strike up conversations with other moms. We also joined a play group so they would have kids to play with and I'd have adults to talk to. Doing things like that once or twice a week kept me sane! [dragon54u]
That makes a big difference. We lived way out in the boondocks in a very small desert community. Nothing was close, the nearest store when the kids were in preschool was 15 miles away, the school was 5 miles away. But I did have a car so I could get around. I got very antsy sometimes and would have to get out--I hated that horrid desert, we couldn't even play outside most of the time. You have a good idea about the church! [dragon54u]
Hi, Sorry you have the blues. While I do not have kids I do know that you are not alone, there are many women that I know in the same place that you are. I suggest finding a play date for your little one so that you can have an adult conversation while he plays. If that is not possible then try to schedual a play date for yourself, perhaps meeting a friend at the park or something that you can also take your son to once a week. Good luck and have a great day!! [okkidokitokki]
Thanks friend. I am grateful for your words of encouragement here. I just needed to hear some special words from my friends here at myLot. I think that your idea is a good one along with some of the other suggestions I have gotten here. Take care. [bamakelly]
Oh can I relate. I run a daycare from my house. I started when my children were babies and now they are grown and I still am raising others children. At times I just can't wait for everyone to go home, but then my kids walk in the door and the drama starts. This time of year I go tanning, so it is my out every night for about 30 minutes. At least I can say I am getting paid to be here so that is a perk. [sunshine4]
You sound pretty busy with running a daycare from your own house. That is a lot of work and responsibility. That is good that you can get out though. I appreciate that you responded. Take care. [bamakelly]
I think a lot of the women with more than one use the older child as a babysitter. Sometimes far too much. Do you take him to the park? It's a way for you to get some alone time while he's playing with other kids. Or a day care, just for a couple hours. I sometimes did that. She needed to learn how to cope with other kids, and I needed some alone time. You're not being bad for needing that. He needs the time to socialize too. And you can't always play with him. He needs to learn how to play by himself, for his own creativity. Take a bit of time for yourself. You'll be happier, and so will your family in the long run. [snowcat46]
You are right about that. The fact that a lot of women use an older sibling to care for the younger one. When I see that kind of thing happening with certain people it makes me feel that those parents aren't letting their children just be children and laying responsibility on them because they are older. I just have my five year old son and I do agree that I need some time for myself just to get my head together and perhaps find a hobby to enjoy. [bamakelly]
i can understand your plight.i am a housewife with 2 kids.i give some time to myself for exercising.i usually do skipping ,a hundred times and i immediately feel better.and then once a month,i go to beauty parlours to pamper myself and once in a blue moon,i do go out for dinner with my hubby and kids. [riyasam]
Thank you for your response. I can see where your life could prove busy especially with two children. They can be a handful that's for sure. If you can get out once in a while and pamper yourself then that is an extra bonus. [bamakelly]
I'm feeling that exact way today! I have two kids, my son is a year and a half and my daughter is five so she goes to school. Two kids is such hard work as they fight all the time over toys. I take my son to toddler group some days just to get out of the house. Most of the day I'm cleaning the house and then by the end of the day its a mess again! I just wish I was rich so I could get a cleaner and then enjoy my time with my son. Your definitely not alone:) [luckyangel78]
I know exactly how you feel... I am a staqy at home wife, I don't have kids yet, all I have is a yellw lab dog , oh yea and dish washer, sink are my buddies at home as well... If you have read some of my post before, I have talked about how lonely and boring at home during the day when my husband is at work. I always try to dog stuff to do, but I 'm sure you understand, doing laundry or prepare a meal won't take us 8 hours to get it done. I do feel blue somtimes, too much time to think, too much time to be alone. I'm not saying I'm glad to see there is somebody like me staying at home alone but I would like to share with you. :-) [mermaidivy]
Forgot to tell you, I always play with my cousins too - Stove, Floor, Iron etc never leave me alone at home! hehe I'm glad that I made you feel better :-) [mermaidivy]
I am currently at home with my kids. 3 of them are in school and the baby is home with me all day. My husband works from about 6am till between 4pm and 6pm depending on what needs to be done. I finally found a routine that works for me or us so I dont have to be doing chores and cleaning all day because I must say...they do get boring!!! I try to do laundry 2 days during the week...usually Monday and Thursday as to avoid it all piling up and taking up a whole day! I HATE laundry! Dishes are done nightly and I vacuum about twice a day. I do the kitchen and bathroom floors daily just to keep them nice and shiny :). All the daily cleaning is done at night right before we all go to bed...kids walk around and make sure all their stuff is up and put away before bedtime. As long as we all try to help out it doesnt seem so overwhelming. :) And it gives everyone the free time to not have to worry about cleaning cleaning cleaning. [callahanb78]
Hello bamakelly, Sometimes you have to take a break from all of that. Take your son and go do something. Take him to the park or something. Otherwise you will just drive yourself crazy with all the housework. It will be there when you get back anyway. So just take a little time out of your day and just take a little break it will do you both some good trust me!!! I have 2 daughters they are 14 and 11 now but they are 2 and a half yrs apart. They liked when I took the time with them when they were little they liked getting out of the house. Even to the mall and play on the things they have there for a minute when the weather was bad. Or Mc donald's something for them to just get the energy out. Take care and I hope I helped a little. [patriciaqualls]
I'm not a stay at home mom, but it does seem like my evenings consist of nothing but homework, cooking and dishes and my weekends consist of laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping. But at least I get out of the house on weekdays and enjoy some adult conversation. It's got to be isolating to be at home with a small child though. Are there any groups that you can get involved in with other parents of children the same age? [dawnald]
Advice I need to take myself. I haven't really made any new friends since I"ve moved to Sacramento... [dawnald]
Hi lotter iam also a housewife and can understand ur feelings i have two kids and its really a tough job to be a homemaker. [shiwangipeswani]
Bama Kelly- I'm a stay at home mom currently, plus finishing my master thesis. I have a total of six children, but only 2 from my current marriage. (Though, at one time I did have the four oldest with me and was a single parent then). It can be difficult when you don't have an outlet such as a church/religious group, mommy's club, gym membership, or such that is just for you and your time. A friend of mine joined a gym recently that offers daycare included. This way she can interact with other women, the kids are cared for, and she gets much needed time. Not to mention the benefit of exercise. And a lot of gyms are now offering more then just treadmills, they offer a variety of classes. Some have even started offering Pole dancing classes, if your game. The winter time also seems to be traditionally the time that more people feel the winter blues, now actually called Seasonal Affective Disorder (which can be treated with medication). I'm not saying you have anything wrong with you, I do want to suggest that if it becomes serious such as depression that you may want to find a counselor. There isn't anything wrong with having to deal with depression. In terms of the just "I'm sick of being in the house with kids", I think that finding something to do outside of the house is extremely important. Have you ever thought of volunteering? Even hiring a sitter for a few hours each week so that you can go out to the spa and pamper yourself or get a massage can prove beneficial. If you can't do the sitter, then arrange with the hubby to take your child for a few hours each weekend (or his day off) and go and pamper yourself, do something for you. We have several junior colleges around this area that offer one time classes such as cooking or art classes. You might want to think about investing a bit in things like that to give you an outlet. And you may just discover a new hobby. The other thing to do is to get outside. In the winter I realize this is hard but our bodies need the sunlight. Sometimes just moving the furniture a bit so you can sit in front a large open window in the winter time helps. In the warmer months just going outside and sitting on a blanket and enjoying the warm sun can help rejuvinate. Many blessings-Anora [Anora_Eldorath]
It's not hard to get the blues, what you need is some time out. Is that at all possible, can you take your child to a play date, or just to visit the neighbors? Can you do some crafts, that will help, your creative side is being neglected. See what is available to help you. [savypat]
hi, bamakelly like everyone else was saying there is more to bieng a house wife and homemaker. i always liked playing games with my son when he was younger and when he went for a nap is when i would have my time to clean and do what ever i wanted till he would awake and the back to involving him in what i was. at first you may not realize it but he will always remember the time well spent together frist memories start young maybe take pictures and show him it helps bring the memories to a understanding for him. when my husband arrived back home from work dinner was always done and then it would be off for some me time that way i didnt feel the only company i had ever was my son. [ama101]
I don't ever think we can totally get rid of the blues. But finding things that you enjoy will help you out alot. Scrapbooking, crafts, or reading, could pass your time to where you don't feel like your strapped to the cleaning. There are days where I don't have time to do anything but clean, then I have days where I am bored out of my mind. I make scrapbook pages on those days. [Jae2619]
My wife says it gets easier the older they get. Our oldest is in Pre-K for half the day so she essentially only has our 2 together for half a day. [crshoveride1]
I have three kids, and I stay at home with them. While my son is in school, I still have to take care of my two daughters. So, I am still very busy. Yes, I do get very tired and frustrated. You see, I make no money from doing this. And I don't have a car nor a driver's license. So, sometimes, I feel that I am very stuck! But right now, I am working on getting my license. I just wished that I could get out more. My husband knows that I get so tired of being cooped up in the house, so he takes me out driving. I get so tired from waking up to get my son ready for school on the mornings, I am so sleepy. I know what it feels like to be exhausted and worned out. It is no fun. I have no breaks. The kids can bet so hard headed and throw tantrums. I deal with it all. But, I have learned to pray more about my situation. I also try to relax and no get upset. I do this full-time. I can't wait for a vaction, because Lord knows that I am in need of one. Hang in there.. Try to take one day at a time, and do as much as you can do to make yourself feel like a woman.happyhappy [cream97]
Me as well is a stay at home mom with three kids ages 5 y.o(preschooler), 2 y.o and 7 mos old. My days is also jam pack with lots of things to do. Cooking breakfast, Washing the dishes and most especially picking up the toys. I do also experience the housewife blues when im a too tired and all stressed up. Right now, im am teaching my kids especially my 2 year old boy to clean up the toys after playing. I always incorporate a song while keeping the toys and teaching him new things to encourage him.My eldest sometimes helps me in the house like setting up the table. looking after her 2 brothers when i am in the bathroom. I guess it is just a matter of time management and sometime just go with the flow. My rest time is when all of them are taking their nap in the afternoon. But when my husbands comes home from the office , he is the one that takes care of them while i finish the things that should be done. I also have my "me-time". I do go out of the house, go to the salon or just walk around the neighborhood or go strolling in the mall alone. It energizes me and it relaxes me. [annalapse]
I have two children and they are girls and I also go to work full time. I go to work with my other baby happy... I still stick with washer and kitchen sink too but only dinner and the weekend. I do more than 3 woman do, because I take care a baby while im at work (so this is two jobs)... and when I get home, i have to cook for my family. but I get use to it, so it's become normal and I love to do what I am doing now. [smileonstar]
I agree, and I think i can relate to your situation. There are days when I'm stuck in the house with house chores and 1 kid. I'm glad it's not like that everyday.. cause my mom is usually around to take care of the kid hehe ... but not all the time and believe me, time flies fast when you're out and doing shopping or things you enjoy by yourself [kquiming]
My mother was a stay-at-home Mom. It is a long time since my childhood and that was the way things were in the UK then. My father used to work long hours, often coming home after my sister and I were put to bed. My mother just used to focus on her housework - there were no automatic washing machines, so the laundry has to be rinsed and wrung out by hand. She loved our house and worked hard to keep it clean, and was very proud that anybody could come in at any time and never really find a mess. I know I am a guy, but as a therapist, I help people who are tired and bored with their work etc. to enjoy their role in life a little more, by introducing them to daily meditation. There is a link to instructions on my profile if anyone is interested. happy. Derek [derek_a]
I can so relate! I have just the one child and I have been at home with her since she was born seven years ago. I took a freelance journalism course when she started kindergarten so I could follow my passion for writing that had been put on the back burner for so many years. I completed the course and now I'm doing what I love but my biggest resentment in my life is the amount of work I have to do around the house. I am up before dawn every day so I can fit everything into my day including writing. I hate the household chores, they are never ending and tiring and I feel so trapped by the house and everything in it, I too get the housewife blues. I want so much more for myself but because my writing is not paying very much at the moment I am still chief bottle washer around here which is not entirely fair because just because my income is low it doesn't mean I'm not putting in the work! I often wonder what I am doing wrong feeling overwhelmed when there are women out there who have three or four kids and a job and they still cope better than I do! [paula27661]
I get these often. I am a stay at home mother of 2 girls. They are always with me. I can't even use the bathroom without 1 following. I leave the door open b/c they are only 3 and 1. They fight over every little thing and do things you ask them not to do. It gets frustrating and just to go somewhere it takes alot longer then it did when you were just you lol. Not that I would give anything up its just nice to get alone time or even if its just being with adults that you don't have to tell what to do or not to do every 5 seconds. I'm so with you. I joined a coupon site and this is my outing to go shopping for the deals. Hubby just takes off all the time to go play ball with his little friends so I then turn to my imaginary friends to help me. Visiting family and friends also helps. Next year it will be better. My oldest should be in school. Just waiting to see if she got in and then some days I will help out at school and others go shopping for my deals. Of course then we will be in potty training stage for my youngest. She is catching on really fast so who knows she may be total finished with it. [mflower2053]
I'm not yet married though but I have a guy friend who said that though his wife is beautiful, she now started to be jealous. She is a stay in wife and his the one working. He said, she often feels jealous when he wants to look good before going to work and that he might me looking at other girls. He said woman who stay at home are more insecure compare to those who are also working. Is that true? [borgborg]
Hi there! I know how you feel! I worked for many, MANY years, even after I had my children, because I was a single parent. I was the only there to take care of the kids in every way, so I worked my tail off. It was difficult, mostly because I rarely had much time to spend with the kids, except on the weekends. And weekends were spent cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, etc. So even then, the time I spent with them didn't consist of much quality time. I'm not lucky enough to be engaged to my very best friend of over 16 years. I do stay home now and take care of my 4 children as well as my soon-to-be step-son, who lives with us full time. I totally know how you feel about being tied to the washing machine or the mop and broom. It can be very monotonous. I only have 1 child at home, so she doesn't have anyone to play with, so of course, I take time out to do things with her. And, to also occupy my time, I run a business from home. In this way, I'm able to contribute to the household financially and still be able to be home for my children before and after school and take care of our household needs (laundry, dishes, etc). I'm also lucky enough to have a wonderful fiance who helps me every chance he gets. He knows that, just because I stay home, I'm also a very busy person...working my business, taking care of kids and the house. He's a drill sergeant in the Army, so generally, during the first 4 or 5 weeks of boot camp, he's very, very busy. But even so, he's helpful. I think this is what keeps me from going insane. LOL Maybe you could find a local playgroup with other stay at home moms and who can offer some support locally. Or, you could even start your own group! :-) It would keep you busy, aside from all of that house work, which can just really get to you sometimes! My sister, who is also a stay at home mom/housewife, not only homeschools her son, but she is involved in many activities that keep her from going bonkers. She's a geneaology fanatic as well as a writer and she writes for a few magazines. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me! :-) Oh! There's another website you might like...just for moms! It's called cafemom.com. I don't know if you've ever heard of it...but it's a great site for connecting with other moms and you can even find moms in your area to connect with! :-) I hope that helps a little! :-) [apoots77]
My youngest is 10 now, and I'm desperate to get back to work. I'm training at home but it's not the same as mixing with adults. I had 4 in total, and when my eldest was born (she's 20 now) I had to go back to work - I was torn between home and earning a living. I had twins when she was 4 and started a business to give me flexibility. Luckily my husband also worked from home, but it seemed to be all work and no play! I know it can be frustrating being at home with your child, but my advice is - don't worry that the house always has to be spotless. Your children are only young once and they grow up far too quickly - the baby doesn't mind if there's dust on the bookshelves! I managed to find local toddler groups and so on, where we took it in turns to do 'creche duty' so the other mums could go next door, get away from the kids and chat over a coffee. Perhaps there's something like that where you live? [jazzsue58]
I cant say that i know how you feel because i don't. I'm currently on maternity leave only for one more week and then i go back to work only to wish that my husband were the one with a job and i was the one that gets to stay home instead i'm the one brining home the bacon and he gets to kick it at home. Of course he doesn't do cleaning the only thing he does is makes messes when he cooks and then i clean everything and do laundry. Hmm doesn't seem fair in my eyes. I only wish that i could stay at home like you. [stardustw83]
try to putted this way your are a person who work from home' your job is to post on my lot , when someone ask your what do your do for living your say that your work from home, People who work from home have similar life with yours. if your don't like your live the way it is try to change that... [meluan]
hi bamakelly I was a housewife and mother for a very long time but i was ok with it. Today's generation are a lot different and many young mothers wan to go out to work. If you are feeling cooped up maybe you should find out about child minding or enrol your child in a day group/nursery. As for the housework, doesn't your partner help with this? being a mother is a full time job and every partner should recognize that and be more supportive. Alice :) [Aliceinwebland]
I know how you feel. I am a stay at home mom/housewife and sometimes I get stressed out to. I feel like there is always so much housework to do and just not enough hours in the day to get it all done. I have a 4 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. My son is in cloth diapers so thats even more work for me but its my choice. I always have at least 3 loads of laundry to do usually 5. Then there is mopping and vacuuming the floors. I love to vacuum but I hate mopping. My husband mopped for me the other day which was like a god send! I vacuum the floors downstairs everyday. I always have a load of laundry in the dish washer and usually a load to do by hand. House work is never ending and its exhausting. I wish I could afford to just pay someone to do all the work for me:) [shaggin]
hi bamakelly....i agree with you on that...but i did survive doing the chores at home with the help of course with my mom when she was younger then...i have 4 kids..but it was fun and at the same time stressful for us...but since i love them i really did not notice how time flies then....right now they are all grown up and help me in the house and everything.. [vanities]
I stayed home with my older kids until the youngest was in school all day, then I went back to work. so when we had our little surprise recently we didn't even think about it, we just decided I would stay home. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with the little guy and I know I don't want him in daycare, but after 10 years back in the work world I had forgotten how much of the work I do at home gets taken for granted. No one seems to notice the dishes and laundry getting done until you decide to go for a walk instead and you don't get them done! Your not alone bama. [madasp]
I don't even know how a lady with one child does it!!!!! I grew up, and moved out, I lived on my own for 5 years, then met my husband and moved to Arizona for a year until he finished up the job he was doing. We got married down there, and moved back up here to Canada, to my hometown. [danishcanadian]
I've been a housewife pretty much for almost 2 years and it's quite frustrating and very unfulfilling. I just get annoyed a lot as well as irritable. I'm irritable a lot for the smallest things and I do resent my husband for it. I don't think you're alone, I think most housewives are this way. I used to have a very productive life, very career motivated and I move and get married and with what's stuck with the government, I can't get a job, open my own bank account, get a state ID or driver's license. It's really frustrating. I feel like the whole world just beat me up from every direction and all I could do is take it. I feel the same way, I wait for the hamper to fill up and do the laundry or make sure the kitchen's spotless. [alyciassecret]
when I was young I would not have been able to stay home alone like that I would have gone stark raven mad, I was still working but even on the weekends I would go visiting once I stopped working and I was alone with him [winterose]
It is hard to be a homemaker. I am home a lone most of the time even on weekends. My children are raised and I am disabled and my hubby works two jobs so he leaves at 6:30am and comes home at 10PM during the week and then on weekends he goes out to the families ranch and works or does errands. I can no longer drive so I have a driver who I hired how comes one and a half days a week. Well she has been sick so I have not been out with her for a few weeks. It seems the only time I get out is if I take the dogs for a walk yet alone also. I have been going to my hubby's ranch and walking the dogs, yet again alone. I try to keep myself busy by being on the computer here at mylot and playing computer games. I will be better this summer when I can get outside and in my pool. Have you thought about taking the little one to the park so you can meet other mothers? Good luck my friend. [teapotmommommerced]
I get this a lot, I am mum of four and I stay at home while hubby brings home the bacon so to speak. Well he did but he has just recently been made redundant so he is not bringing it home at the min! Anyway I have been at home for ten years and its only in the last few years that I have started to become disatisfied with it, it can be so lonely and such hard work at times, no time to play so to speak. The housework seems never ending too, that is why I am glad that I can come on my computer sometimes just to get away from the routiness of everything. [gemini_rose]
i used to feel that way when i was a stay at home mom and we didnt even have the internet then! i felt my life was really boring and always wanted to go out at night, it got better as the girls got older (they are 12 and almost 16 now). i just developed a lot of hobbies and went to the library a lot. [cher913]