I can't seem to get my husband to help me much with any of the chores around the house. I'll ask him why he doesn't help, and he says he works all day, week, etc. I work also, although I only work a 32-36 hr. week. But I also have kids to take back and forth to school. How do I get him to start helping out a little?
[question posted by gypsylady28]
responses and comments:
My husband is the same way! I wish he would help. I mean, I take care of our three kids, cook, and clean. [muse02]
Have you ever asked him to help or talked to him about needing help? I think men don't realize that you want help or need help and they are afraid of doing something wrong. Best of luck [jenbatres]
yes my husband helps me so much,i dont what i would do with out him i have been real bad sick for nov and dec got well the got bit bad broenw recluse spider i have been real close to death the last 3 months and he works all day then comes cook,cleans,and takes care of me god gave me and angel. [kebpete]
i stay at home with my boys, but when i did work while i was pregnant with my 2nd child he would help, but now i do most so he doesnt have to worry about it, i feel like when you both work and have kids each should do their own fair share. Maybe you can try telling him you need some help. Or start letting things go, i know gross huh, but maybe if you let the laundry pile up or the dishes he would see you need some help! its hard being a working mother and keeping up the house and kids. i feel for you! [mom2boys]
When I didn't work it didn't bother me to do all the housework. I went a whole month and didn't fold his clothes, I would just throw them in a laundry basket after I washed them. After a month, I couldn't take looking at the heap of clothes and folded them. I asked him why he didn't fold them, he said it didn't matter if they were folded as long as they were clean. LOL that one backfired on me. [gypsylady28]
Maybe suggest to him that you would like to do some of these things together. My husband and I always do the dishes together. One of us washes while the other dries them and puts them away. We also help each other with the laundry. Sometimes I will do these things on my own because I stay home all day, but most of the time we do them together. It makes doing them more enjoyable and it helps us spend more time with each other. Hope that helped! [jojopuff]
yes, he does. you can try asking him in a sweet way . Or you can probably assign him a task that he should do and remind him of it if it needs to be done. Say, take out the trash everyday. Perhaps, you can say to him "Darling (or whatever terms of endearment you use), please take out the trash. thanks, i love you!", then kiss and hug him tightly. Please let us know if it worked. [aprilten]
I have a chronic illness so my husband stepped up to the plate from day one. I am better than I was when I first got ill but I am still ill. Because of that he feels I should be able to do everything. I do what I can. He vacuums and washes the floors. I can't do that. He washes the dishes more often than I do and after dinner we do them together. Once in awhile he will make brunch. He also goes on cleaning binges, especially when it is not golf season and he is bored (LOL!). I don't cook every night but I do the best I can. I am the only one who does the laundry and cleans the bathrooms and does the grocery shopping. Occasionally he'll come grocery Shopping with me if he is home and has nothing better to do. We work together as a team. [patgalca]
That's awesome, that he helps you. He probably get burned out, maybe that's why he feels you should do everything. I always think, well he lives here too, wouldn't you think he would want to take care of his own house? Then I think,no that's why he's got me! [favorgrays]
He does not help, he work's all day and I stay home with the kid's. Although my house is messy, I take care of my mom also. He does come home and cook for us. I married an angel too. [soldenski]
not all husband like that. you just try to talk him more and make him understand how hard you work at your office and your home. i think he will undertand that, if you to carefully to him [banditwsj]
Yes, my husband does share the household tasks with me... let's see, he does dishes, makes Beds (if they aren't already done), vacuums, does most of the errands (as long as he has a list to shop from lol)... and I do all these too. Basically, we work off each other so that if one is doing one thing, the other finds something else that needs to be taken care of. He doesn't do laundry, though... I like to do that myself because I prefer that everything stays its original color ;) I also do the cooking because he's tried and, bless his heart, he's just not very good at it. I really think the only way to get your husband to help is to just tell him straight out that you need help and what you specifically need him to do (you know, something like "OK, I have to go do a load of laundry so can you take the trash out while I'm doing that?"). My husband tells me all the time that men just don't "get" subtlety. He says, "If you want me to do something, just tell me what it is ... because I can't read your mind." Whether or not they "should" know what to do, it's better just to verbalize it ;) [thinkingoutloud]
No. He does not do a thing. I realize he works all day but so do I. I just don't get paid for it. I'm a stay at home mom with 4 kids. (9,7, 5 yr old twins) He can't even wash his own cereal bowl. He gets mad because I think he should. We don't have a dishwasher. So I do 100% of the housework and taking care of the kids and cats, bills, etc. etc. [poormomof4]
I am not married yet. But I hear ladies talking that the husbands of some of them are very fussy about doing the chores. But others are very considerate. In case of an emergency like sickness etc, they do everything their wives do. In case both of them are working, they must share such things. If one of them is not working, he or she should accept greater responsibility. In any case none of them can be fully exempted. [ravinamita]
seriously, my husband does pitch in. I am a full time student and mom of three boys. We are constantly on the go. I also work! So when I'm in school I depend on my husband and two older boys to do the chores during the week, and I try to get caught up on the weekends. I am very thankful for their help. [my3busyboys]
When I was working we did the housework together, He did mostly the laundry and i did the cleaning and cooking we did together. Now i am not working so I do everything alone, which is normal [anja31]
Unfortunately, mine is no help either. Only sometimes, like if we are having company coming soon. He puts dishes in the sink sometimes, lol, thats about it! [hizzle13]
Well,DONT!!!!!!! THE FEmALE IS SUPPOSE TO do all teh work. jsut quit ur job [jk3000bot]
some people can't afford to raise their family solely on 1 income alone, so you shouldn't tell someone to quit their job when you don't know their financial situation [lilttownmommie]
Running a family is a collective responsibility, and husbands should be made to realize that. Also some activitiescan be shared depending upon interest of the couple. [abhiquest]
i am just a little bit very lucky to have my husband, who love me too much. my husband do not want me to wash a maong pants, he does not allow me to wash blankets. he is the one doing it. he also cook because he loves cooking very much, he sometimes help in cleaning the whole house [domenyag]
good luck with this one, lol, I have tried to get my husband to help, and I think I have tried everything, but he feels I should do it because he works and I dont, but I am also pregnant and caring for our 2 young Children all day, but he just doesnt seem to understand how tiring it all is, the most i can get him to do is handle the trash, and the lawn. Good Luck :) [lilttownmommie]
my girlfriend and I share all of the household duties. I believe that everything should be shared equally. I find no shame in doing the dishes or cooking. I think I am respected more for the help that i give her and she doesnt take advantage of it. Best of luck to you. [contusion12878]
my husband thinks that because he works outside the home, that it is ALL my responsibility inside the home. this is an every single day fight with him. all i want is a little bit of help sometimes around here and i get nothing unless i gripe and gripe and he just does it to shut me up!!! we have a 2yr old and a 7wk old and im TIRED. he thinks its a sin to lift a finger unless something needs to be FIXED. if you figure out a solution that actually works, let me know, PLEASE!!! [AmberNormandin]
Just sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Personally, I make it a point to help in the house chores like doing the dishes or cleaning the house which don't take a long time to do. But every major things like repair of sinks, Electrical problems and other repairs in the house, we have an automatic arrangement that I am responsible for things like these. There is no substitute for a good and open communication. [manong05]
my husband works abroad but whenever he's home, he helps me with the chores like washing the dishes, etc. maybe you can tell your husband to help you out. make him realize that he should also share some responsibility in your house. you both are working so it's not a reason for him to say that he's tired because of work. [burieks]
aww...pretty bad...tell u what, my husband does work too, 8 hrs. a day or even more but he was the one who does the cleaning of our house. he never lets me do the laundries. he is the one who does the cooking too. he treats me like a real princess. and i love him more...but ofcourse i help him out. im so proud to have a husband like him. such a good man...why dont u try to talk to him and tell him u need help. and it'll be much better if u do the chores together it is another way of having quality time together. its just a matter of communication...good luck and God bless you both [twinkle_dc24]
Well, you cannot persuade your husband anymore. You have to use some trick. You'd better say you have to be away 2 days for Business trip, and tell him to pick up your children from school, cooking dinner for them, etc. Or you can use your brain to find a way. Wish you the best [loitran]
I work 50 hrs a week, I have a great hubby that cooks! He runs errands, he takes my car to be washed and detailed, and he takes in my cleaning, grocery shops, does Real Estate and helps the rest of the world if he can. I am very lucky...... [matlgal]
I am very fortunate in this. I have a great guy who has no problem helping clean up. I suggest you just go on strike and tell him that you are unable to clean up until he helps, after the mess builds him it might get him motivated to start cleaning. Also try to make a chore chart and try to include the children in chores. [tohot666]
Don't do his laundry. My husband rarely helped around the house till I stopped and since he likes a clean house it didn't take him long to notice. When he asked what was wrong I let him know that I couldn't do it all myself so he either helped or it wasn't getting done. He now helps me out and we divide all the chores even cooking. [limosonia1]
My hubby takes out the rubbish, washes the dishes most nights (i was everything before dinner is served, so only things we ate from) and does the yard work. I try and do everything else.. I am happy doing this.. [sweetee]
Sometimes, it's in the manner by which we say things to them. Try telling your husband what you want to be done without the tone of ordering him to. Let him feel that he is needed. [g_aileen09]
Umm... well when he asks why there isn't any underwear, clothes, etc... tell him you worked all week and were too busy to get to them, but he can borrow some of yours. LOL. It is a mystery on how to get a husband to help. I think you could sell the answer and make millions of dollars if you ever found out the answer. [jenalyn]
He is good about it IF I ask. I wish it would be more 'automatic' to him. How is it that us wives are the only ones who are on auto-pilot? [Khokhonut]
My man does just as much housework as me. I usually don't have to ask, he will cook, clean, do laundry. The only thing he doesn't do so well is put the kids laundry away -- I have a spot for everything. I see no reason why a man can't do all of the things a women does in a house, I work just as much and just as hard. [jenbatres]
Tell what is in your maid and ask do you mind helping.Tell assertively how you are affected and your pain.This will work out. [nishdan01]
well, in my case i do help my wife. come on were not really that insensetive. [09196606945]
In fact, i am not marry now so i dont know about something about my husband. But my boyfriend do housework usually, such as wash the floor, wash clothes and dishes, etc. Mary [kotad6]
This is a tuff one. My husband used to help me out when I did work outside of the house but now that I stay at home with the kids he does not lift a finger. He also tells me that it is because he goes to work everyday. If I am real sick he will however help out a little. He still does not cook but I have seen him do the dishes for me or put an occasional load of laundry in for me. If I were you I would try sitting down with him and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and tell him that you also work and the kids belong to both of you not just you. Spell it out for him, I mean tell him everything that you do each and every day. Then I would tell him that you would appreciate some help from him occasionally. Then leave it at that. You have now planted the seed sit back and watch it grow. [cwgrlsarefun]
u r right husbands think tht house chores is all women's work and they hv nothing to do with it, they dont understand how many things we hv to do of the kids and keeping our house neat and clean and hv to maintian lots of thing. [smille]
I'M A HUSBAND I DO THE DISHES AD LAUNDRY WHILE MY WIFE DO THE COOKING AND HOUSE CLEANING AND ALSO TAKING CARE OF OUR SON [najwan9]
I have a really hard time getting my boyfriend to do work around the house. He does laundry and that is it, but I don't really even consider that work becuase of how he does it. We live in an apartment and we don't have a washer and dryer hookup, so we don't have one. His friends live in the aparatment in front of us. He used to live there before we had our daughter and one of his friends just took over his part of the lease and we were lucky that the landlord had another opening. Anyways, they do have a washer and dryer over there. He does to laundry, but he spends most of they day over there. He usually does it on Sunday, which he likes becuase of football right now. When I ask him to do something else, he is always like "but I did laundry all day today." Although he uses that excuse all week. I get so mad. It takes a few mintues to throw in a load of laundry. He doesn't even fold them, I do it. I am a stay at home mom during the day, but I work at night too. Most of the time, I don't have the time or engery to do everything, but it honestly doesn't seem to matter. I wish that I had some advice to give you, but I really don't. Everything that I have tried doesn't seem to work. Good luck. [jfeets726]
My husband does help me sometimes if I ask or sometime he sees me busy with houseworks and he would volunteer to cook for us or wash the dishes if he sees me really tired of the exhausting housework jobs. But not all the time and I'm not pressuring him to help as he works as well. Do give some appreciations if he help you once, then he will get to help u more.. [ediza02]
WHAT!! MY HUSBAND COOKS WAY BETTER THAN ME. I DO MOST OF THE CLEANING BECAUSE I AM A NEAT AND ORDER FREAK..BUT HE CHANGES DIPERS, ROCKS THEM TO SLEEP, READ BOOKS, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS..I MEAN I HELPOUT BUT ITS NICE TO SE THAT AFTER THAT NINE MONTHS I DID ALONE THAT HE COULD STEP IT UP AND DO I WOULD SAY MOST OF THE JOB [tynishabarnes]
good luck i have tried everything to get my husband to help but he wont.he says hes tired or he worked all day all i say is he can clock out i cant.keep on to him maybe he will come along hopefully ypu have better luck with your husband than i did with mine.good luck. [chiquita1977]
I think that you are right. They can clock out but we still have to cook, dishes, laundry. I sometimes feel on the weekend that I never get any rest. [favorgrays]
I work full time and my husband has his own maintenance business. I also have my own home business, and we have an 8 year old to take care of too. Sometimes he will do the dishes, or help with the laundry. I have learned that I need to ask him for help when I really feel overwhelmed. I used to just brood over why can't he see that I need help! He notices when things need attending to, but he won't touch it, unless it is in the way of what he is doing or if I ask him for help. I can't complain, we have our son vacuuming and on trash duty. [favorgrays]
Unless he wants to help out, good luck! My SO does alot of work here @ home. I appreciate it too. He does everything, from laundry to dishes to cleaning, he'll help with it all. [sproutz]
mine does....but usually only after I ask him (or tell him to!). And then maybe once a month he'll go into a big cleaning frenzy and complain about how messy things are and it should be cleaned more often, which doesn't really seem to make alot of sense lol [juicemilk]
my fiance is crazy. He gets in these moods where he must clean and organize. The only problem is he expects me to help him. ha! [chelle350]
I started to do laundry once a week. and I started to like the chore after a month and until now I still do it once a week or so. Well I guess you have to convince him by giving him small chores maybe claening this and that or try to discover what his interests are then maybe you could relate that interest in one of your chores there. Don't whine or complain back coz that will just be a turn off to help you. [rsa101]
My husband actually does the majority of the housecleaning at our house, when it gets done. He does laundry and dishes. We put laundry away together. He also picks up around the house. He's a wonderful husband. He works full time, while I more or less stay at home. I do a lot of work online, though during naptime and such. The rest of my day is spent chasing my almost 1 year old son and taking care of him. I do the cooking probably 75% of the time. And I fix lunch for him on his lunch break even more often than that. I do about 80% of diaper duty and feeding and such too, so we agree that it is only fair that he helps out around the house. [carlaabt]
I think it really depends on the nature of the person. There are those who doesnt even lift a hammer just to nail a wall frame. Maybe they are just really tired or may just have the thinking that they have worked much in the office for the family so they need not help w/ chores & should have others do it for them or they are just plainly lazy. I'm grateful for having a hard-working husband who doesnt mind helping me w/ chores. It also a way of showing his love for us. He doesnt want clutter in the house. He helps do chores to be done fast so that we could rest early & enjoy day rest of the day w/ the family. [gendomingo]
well, i have the same situation like you when i just get married with my husband... both of us are working and i have to do the household chores after i finish work... i only get rest after 9 pm everyday while he just sits down in front of the computer and browsing... so, i have a chat with him and tell him that i am also tired... and i would appreciate it if he can helps out a little... so now, he understands what i mean and he helps me quite a lot with the household chores... anyway, he doesn't want me to get sick... so, i think open communication does help... [lingli_78]
No my husband does not do housework I am a stay at home mom right now but when I was working he did not help out. He would if I would ask him but I don't because I am here all day so I do it myself I used to get upset but I know he would rather get thing get dirty before cleaning it. [kawillow74]
Running a family is a collective responsibility, and husbands should be made to realize that. Yes, My husband share all of the household work with me. I believe that everything should be shared equally. I think you suggest your husband that you would like to do some of work together. It makes more enjoyable and we spend more time with together. You can also try to asking him this way "Darling I'm so tired today Please help me to my work". [sapnamaddan]
there are men who really dont do housework at all. Maybe they were not trained to. Or sometimes, its for their ego or pride. Doing housework for them is something that lessen their machismo. maybe you could some serious talk between the two of you and tell him your feeling. [mauier113]
I am so sorry that you get no help from him. My hubby does help around the house. It took some training. I think they are programed to believe if they work they are are doing enough. Well for a couple that have children, this is not enough. Now days it takes both to keep up the house,cook,clean,laundry and activities for the kids. This may sound harsh, Stop doin everything! Try to take care of you and the kids. If you wash his laundry, do not put it away. Just leave it in the basket. I know the restroom is a biggie.. For me I want it just as clean when he leaves.. Do not rinse the sink after him if he shaves and leaves a mess. And YES, let the dishes pile up. **Or you could make a list of scheduled chores around the house that you two do on different days. My daughter got hers to help by just saying, Let me know when you wanna help with the dishes,or whatever, and we'll get it done. You have to work together! Myself, I used the first suggestion, it is not as mean as it sounds. Works for the older kids too! Good Luck. [gramaj]
Yes my husband helps me in every possible domestic task. Few months back I was very ill and was not able to even get out of bed, he was the one who used to do every work of mine even few days back I slipped in my bathroom and was unable to walk and sit, he helped me alot and was ther for me always. You better sit with him and discuss your problems with him, if he loves you and understands you then he will definitely start helping you. [aroraasr]
ohh... may be you give your husband some work in home [telulas]
use physcology approach..make your voice more "sweet"..touch him more gently when talk to him.. [cashconverter]
my husband does help in some of my household chores and im lucky for that...just try to explain to him that you need his help and if he does love you and care for you he must help you its what marriage are all about..like partners ... [vanities]
well my boyfriend knows how to do chores and i think he will do houseworks when we get married. [chiyosan]
oh yes! I am bless with a husband that helps me with the household chores. He cook most of the time and clean the house. At night time we both take care of our 20 day old baby girl. [delaney36]
my husband does chores. he will help me on laundry...take baby for bath.. cook breakfast (on weekends) huh! so much he helped me.. i dont think all men can do all job. but we give them small chores then let them do big big chores. that my 2cents opinion. i think all women can teach their husband to do chores. we also need rest! if not no dinner .. no everything... hehe! tq.. [nfhs79]
My hubby helps but mostly on the weekends when he is not working. He gives the baby abath and does homework with the kids. When my husband pitches a fit about helping around the house, when it comes to his stuff, I leave it all out. Food, Laundry, his lunch for work, me waking him up on time for work, etc. I tell him if you dont want to help out around here and not be a part of the "Team" Then you are on your own!! He usually gets the vacum out lol. [fiveisallofus]
Do not generalize things.Although most of them might be like that some husbands really help their wives doing all the household work and taking care of other things.You need to talk to him and make him understand that it is a joint responsibilty [anup12]
Understand that in America, frequently men feel that since they work all day, then everything at home is the woman's responsibility. Sad but true. So when he gets home all he'll do is sit on his lazy butt doing nothing. [nw1911guy]
My husband is a real helpful man.he tries to help me everytime even though he has never done such things. But as I am not working these days I don't let him do much. My father , brothers help a lot at home. They wash their clothes on their own. my father helps mama in the kitchen. It feels nice when they help...right. As for you I would say don't expect anything from a man and he would give you everything [pujarani]
My husband works 700 km far from me, and he comes back at home just for the week ends... anyway he helps me a little, with my children, he washes the dishes, he irons... [desiret]
I am not married but I certaily hope that as that day comes I won't have a problem with that. That would basically start with choosing a guy that was used to living independently and one who kinda got used to doing chores as a routine, that way it wouldn't be a hassle for him helping out in the house since he's used to the routine, that would really be nice, cause I know of couples that you can really see that the wife does most of everything, she works, drives, cleans up after the husband if he cooks, helps him keep his aquariums clean, assists him in paperworks, does the laundry and not to mention the husband is already retired, so basically he does only a few things and the wife still has to do much much more when he can like do those other stuff to lessen the work for the woman. But no! I think it's tiring to live in that kind of a relationship. [smints8985]
I have to put a resounding YES to your question. I am blessed with a husband who likes helping me out around the house. He even cooks dinner for me after coming home from work! I couldn't ask for anything more. With your husband, maybe you can work out some kind of compromise. Try to involve him in cooking. Ü [jessmtiu]
don't do anything anymore for him! just to let him see what's going on! don't do the shopping today, sit and watch tv, if he asks what's for dinner? you say i don't now, i worked all day, didn't have time to go shopping! or don't wash his clothes anymore, only for the test and to let him know that you need help! my husband does nothing, only when i am asking for it! [jolanda33]
My dear your hubby should be know that you too are now family so what am trying to say with all due respect your hubby is meant to assist you, know matter how tight his schedle is. [code_11]
I would say that for one month, document all the time you spend working and also doing things for the household. Then sit down with him and tell him you need to talk about something. He'll have a hard time arguing the facts. I would say that if he still gives you grief, then tell that leaves you no choice to have a job with fewer hours so you can your number of hours closer to his. Also, in advance, work out how much money will come out of the household that way and make sure you have the figures there. I think he's much more likely to respond to hard facts. [nw1911guy]
Well if you work too and I think 32-36 hours is still a lot of hours he must help you. if he's still around when the children have to go to school ask him to help out so that he can learn the route to school just in case you are sick. I just mean use reasonable arguments. [mobyfriend]
yup, and we do it together for enjoyment! [cheapscake]
My husband is a very nice person, he helps me lot in kitchen. Even though am a house wife he do not make me to stress my self. [kannimunni]
I guess i am one of the lucky ones. My bf works fultime and so do I so we both pitch in at the house. I do the dishes he does the vacuming. we both do the laundry and share all the other things around the house.. Mosty he does the cooking though and thats his choise since he is working as a chef it has to be his way *lol* [Marie2473]
My husband helps me as much as he can around the house. [sharon613]
My SO cleans up his own house much better than I can keep up with mine, but to be fair he doesn't have a kid wrecking it all day. Once in a while I get him to come help me out a couple of hours. It gets overwhelming at times. [somnolence]
im a stay at home mom but my husband always help me out in everything around the house, i don't even have to ask, which is sometimes i feel bad coz he already work long hours and he still want to do chores around the house. I guess it depends on the husband, you could probably try to tell him that you couldn't handle all the stuff and that you need his help, he might start helping unless his lazy when it comes to the house chores. [nnsb75]
No even my dad he do not work inside the house oh I remember he just Water the plants thats all. I do not know why others can do laundry too but my dad never. My brother can do that, laundry, iron, taking care of kids etc, even he work too. [pinayako_norieann]
I am a husband and offcourse i do help my wife with all the work, as we have a daughter and i also take care of my daughter when she is busy with some other work. [sameer2cute]
My husband doesn't do anything till I actually ask him, and sometimes just asking him is a chore itself. Also given the fact that we are both working. But hey, aren't 90% of men like our husbands? [jenntabs08]
I think you just need to stand up for yourself. You might be too submissive to get him to do anything. If that's not the problem you need to tell him to get with the times. If you are super upset about it I would even threaten to leave him because he's lazy and isn't an equal partner. I'm very lucky that my husband helps out with everything and I don't have to ask him. If he sees something that still needs to be done he just does it and then gives me a hug or something afterwards. [not4me]
I guess I should feel pretty lucky. My husband helps out all the time. In fact sometimes he does better then I do. [riskey58]
Hey honey I wish I know that one. I work too and do all the shopping cooking and cleaning around here too. The only thing he will do is take the trash cans to the front of the house when its trash day. And on occasion take my trash from the kitchen. I too get the same reply you do. So when you find the answer let me know to. [TerryZ]
Unfortunantly they all think is my job to do everything at home, i hardly get some help. I'm working 7,45h per day, out of home, in an international company, so, its not a "play job"; have to drive and pick the kids; have to walk the Dog most of the time;, have to feed people at home and feed the dog (she need a special diet); have to clean.... well, i have to do almost everything, aaannnddd, when something is broken is me who has to fixed, like the washing machine (my mate wanted to put it in the bean but we couldnt spend the money so, i fixed :) ). Im also solving the finantial problems. After all this, all i really want is to rest or sometimes, just to run away. [milagre]
I admit that I do about 80% of the household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry). The only chore that I really don't have the stomach for is cleaning our bathrooms. I am the only woman in a house full of guys (my husband and 4 sons), so I'm sure you can all guess why. My husband cleans our bathrooms once a week, very thoroughly. He will also throw in a load of laundry every now and then. I stay home with the kids all day, so it's only natural that I would do most of the housework. Since you are also working outside the home, your husband should be pitching in around the house. If I were you, I would stop washing his clothes (of course, still wash clothes for you and your children), and I would even stop cooking for him. Maybe he will learn to appreciate you more and start helping you out if he is forced to do these things for himself. [Sarah1977]
Not all husbands like this. You pay more attention to him. Communicate with him. And ask him to do housework. I think he will help you. [ligent]
Talk to him about it. Tell him it's really hard on you to have to do all of the housework plus working, and it's not fair. Divvy up the chores each week, maybe he's responsible for certain things each week, and you do others. That way he always knows what he should do, and you don't have to nag him about doing things. [wmaharper]
no he wont help me in houseworks. [rubininidhish]
My husband at first was like that except with the garbage. He hates garbage and would always make sure there was none in the house. Then I explained to him that just the fact of being a mother of four is hard enough. I compared to him what chores both of us done around the house and proved I done twice as much. I told him we could alternate days on cleaning, cooking, helping with homework, etc. A marriage is suppose to be 50/50. My husband washes clothes,dishes,feeds the animals we have and all now. [jbones32103]
It's something normal that she/he helps you to do any work house.If we are together,we have to show this from every point of view,and if I can help the other,why not? [aelyus]
32-36 hours means you are basically working fulltime too, plus taking care of kids is a fulltime job in itself. Bring that point up to him. [Riptide]
I've tried that. We don't really fight about anything but doing the chores. lol the few times he has done the dishes, he left all the silverware, he said they are not dishes. How do you respond to that one? [gypsylady28]
When my husband and I first got married he was really good about helping pick up after himself. Now that we are five years into the marriage, all that has worn completely off. I guess we are the old married couple now. I am a work at home mom. I get the excuse he has to get up and actually leave the house to go to work. I really don't understand how what I do is any less work. [wahmmommy2007]
I yell at him until he does. My husband needs to be told off to actually do things. [glamasaurus]
I think mine would just get more stubborn about it. He waits me out because he knows I can't stand it. [gypsylady28]
mine is the same way. for some reason my husband got the notion after we were marryed that house work is for women. there is still a big fight going on about that one. i go on strike once a month the house gets messy but after a day or to him and the kids decide to clean. the really bad thing about it is the rest of the time i clean, cook, keep the kids, and deal with him. as well as his vehicel up keep. [lvhughes]
That is interesting, because I make sure all the fluids are changed and the oil changes, tires, etc. on the vehicle are kept up. But when someone has car problems he will give them heck for not maintaining the car. Things that make you go hhhhmmmmm. [gypsylady28]
You shouldn't do chors anymore either...for a week don't wash the dishes, don't take out the garbage,etc. He will see that something is wrong,and he will start doing something around the house.Good luck! [pillze]
Yah right, my husband help around the house? Funny! When we used to live in a small 3 1/2 he'd help out, but now that we're in a big 6 1/2, he doesnt do anything! And he makes even worse for my cleaning by leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, his empty cups of coffee on the living room table, when he cooks (yes he does cook, he's a chef) it's like a hurricane hit our kitchen, and he even dares complain when i remind him to take the garbage out!! The nerve of that man sometimes! But since he does work a full week and i don't, i'm only asking him to pick up his clothes and dishes...which of course, he doesn't do. [jewel76]
My husband helps me out a lot. I work nights, so when he's not busy during the day, he keeps the kids out of my hair so I can rest. He also helps me do the grocery shopping and he does most of the general cleaning duties ( I'm allergic to dust ). [chinggay73]
I do most of the housework since i work from home. But if I feel he has been abusing that I will take away somthing he likes like his game time on wow or I wont cook untill he helps out. [samwilliams06]
you can do one thing ask him to do something of his interest that might provoke him to help you in some things...and later you can ask him to extend his help... else you can do more things...i mean this is not that straight forward & i donno whether this will really work...u can stop paying attention to his things for some time....like don't clean up his papers or whatever for that matter ....so that he'll have to do that on his own...that will bring him in a habbit of doing his work himself...so that ways he might realise things..and your burden will lessen [swatirocks]
My husband helps me out in the house a lot. I don't really know what to tell you to get yours to help you out. [sweetgirl_k1]
I have been with a man that was a clean fanatic. I'm not a fanatic on it, I mean, if the dishes sit there for an hour after dinner, I'm not having a fit, but he on the other hand had to have it done all the time. But god love he didn't tell me or nag me, he just did it himself. :) [candygurl24]
the most my husband does on a regular basis is take out the trash and get the mail. sometimes he'll clean the toilet or sink and wash dishes, but thats real ocasional. tell him if he wants sex he needs to help out more around the house. since if you do all the work, you're going to be too tired to take care of him at night. and you can make him clean up after himself. make his own meals and clean his own clothes and dishes. [emarie]
I got really lucky. My sig. other is very good about doing housework. He usually does the dinner dishes (I do the cooking, we're a bit traditional still) and probably does more than half of the laundry. We usually split the other stuff like vacuuming, whoever has time does it. The only thing he won't do is clean the litter box, because he finds it so nasty; but the cat was mine before we met, so I'm fine with that. As for getting your husband to help out, try to use positive renforcement every time he does help out. Really sell how much his little effort of taking the trash out has greatly improved your life (any prior acting experience you may have will come in really handy here). Also, maybe ask him for help while you are involved in something else which is harder than what you are asking him to do like, "I'm going to go scrub the tub, sink and mop the bathroom, could you please put the clothes in the dryer when washer stops, or I'm never going to get everything done today." and if he has done it, thank him when you come back and make a fuss if he has done something beyond what you asked, like "Oh, you folded the towels, too! You are sooo sweet!" Be careful in the beginning stages not to lure him into chores like this too many times a day, it is better if he actually thinks that helping you out is as much his idea as possible. All this may make him realize that you do have a lot to do and that helping you is not that hard and really pleases you; which will make him more likely to help out more often. Good Luck. [theproperator]
When my boyfriend and I moved in together I told him straight out that I don't clean dishes, or vacuum. I don't mind doing most other cleaning so this wasn't a problem for us. If talking to him about it doesn't help, then you can go the jerk way and just not do it. Hopefully, he'd get tired of looking at the mess and do it himself. Whatever you try though, good luck. [BlondeDitz]
I bring home more money a year than my husband and work more. I still have to do the majority of the housework. He takes the trash out after I have to tell him to 10 times. What's wrong with out men? [surveygirl2003]
I m housewife but than also i need help in my household chores but my hubby won't help me he will i m very tired i can't do and i think their is no way to make them work if they don't wanna do it. [smartearnings]
My husband is very caring and always helps me in my household chores, especially if he sees me tired. Actually he doesnt want me to be tired, he rather want to do it himself and having me doing the lightest work [katenkim]
No my husband does not lift a finger to help me do anything its really hard to even get him to help me with my baby. Now every now and then like ever blue moon he will help some and sometimes I might get him to cook for me but it will be grilling out ( we hardly ever do this) or cooking steaks..To fix this problem I have thought about getting one of those pocking sticks like they stick cows with to make them do what they want them to do LOL JK no really I thought about this.. [barbiedoll1973_tn]
Now that isn't a bad idea. I grew up on a farm and know how to use a cattle prod. [gypsylady28]
No my hubby doesn't do any household chores. That is the way we like it though. I am a stay at home wife and freelance writer, therefore all the household responsibilities are mine. I know that seems really old fashioned in today's way of thinking, but it is what works best for us. He does help with some of the yard work though. He works very hard at his job, plus runs a side business here from home. He puts in roughly 60 hours a week working, I think the least I can do is handle the house and make it a haven for him to come home to. [creativedreamweaver]
Sometimes these things are inbuilt in a person. Their are made that way. They just blame it on work. Lots of my friends complain the same thing. My husband helps me clean the house. He never cooks. I have asked him a few times if he would like to cook for me atleast one day and he says yes I will, but never takes the interst to cook. I know he has no interest cooking but he cleans ths house. So I dont keep nagging on that. See what your husband likes to do. My husband like the house clean always. [tabi1978]
We share the chores 50/50 - both of us work full-time and I wouldn't have it any other way!! I didn't have to force my partner to do it though - he's very "enlightened" in that way and looked after himself in his own apartment for years until we started living together, so he just does stuff without being asked. I guess you can try and sit him down and talk to him -if that doesn't work maybe go on "strike" and not do any of your usual chores until he notices what a mess it is!! Good Luck! [rosie_123]
I think I should have known when we started dating and he told me he had just cleaned the apartment, and there was only a trail to each room cleared. I think I have brought this upon myself. [gypsylady28]
Well i dont have a children and a wife but i tihnk (well i hope) i will try to help my future wife as much as i will be able but for example cooking or celaning. Since i will be probably working all they it wont be a lot of time i will be able to spend on cleaning but well - ;) [korek222]
My husband always helps. Even when I was staying at home with our kids he helped with cooking and cleaning. Now I'm working part time and I clean to relax, but he always helps by doing anything he sees needs done. [mom2rottie]
i work hard too and do the bulk of the housework. however truth to tell my husband takes out the bins every week , he locks up every night , he unloads the dishwasher, he cuts the grass(unless i get there before him),he cooks on a friday night (steak and chips)and he puts our youngest to bed every night which i appreciate as i,m tired.he will do other things if i ask but he doesnt clean the house , do washing or sweep floors or dust or clean toilets. oh yes he feeds the animals also and he works 12 hrs a day.i think he does ok as i work three evenings and occasional days and i can sit down and drink tea if i wish when i,m not busy. [superbren]
so i guess im really lucky ey! :) hubby loves to cook. so on a normal weekend, he cooks. once our househelp took a vacation, we were half on everything, while i prepare the bed, he wash the dishes. or while i feed the bird, he cooks. [SuperDheng]
My husband helps when I ask, but not voluntarily - except his own laundry! Oh, and he will rinse dishes off when I am at school on Tuesday nights. Other than that, he has to be asked. I am a part-time substitute teacher, and stay home most of the time. Since my husband makes sure all the bills are paid, I feel it is mostly my duty to do most of the housework. But then again, I am mostly a SAHM. [karlana]
yeah thats true.Dont get angry,It may spoil your relationship.Explain him in detail about your workload.Lets hope everything would be fine.Take care all the best. [udayarc]
dont make a demand on him as if your right but show him more love and care and expect a harvest of support and help from him [degoke63]
my husband helps me out a lot around the house, he helps me in all chores, doing grocery,vaccuming, preparing food etc etc. during times i have my exams and have to study, he totally takes charge of the house work, he does all the cooking,cleaning himself.i am very lucky that i have such a nice and understanding husband. [drashima]
My husband does stuff in the house. Both of us are quite untidy but we both do things in the house. He works more than me, he mostly cooks his own food and I mostly cook mine as we eat different things. He washes the floors a good but. I clean the bathroom and do the laundry. I would like the house to be more organized to be honest! [babykay]
I do give a helping hand when required. I cannot do it on a regular basis because of my work but yest I do give a helping hand especially on weekends [ronaldinu]
That is very nice of you to help out when you can. Something is always better than nothing and with children around any sort of help is always nice to recieve!!!! [ronita34]
I think you need to convince him that taking care of your house is not an easy job. It is a tedious job,especially taking care of children. My husband does take care to clean up all his fuss before he leaves for work. He also takes up responsibility for some subjects to be taught ot children. [limcyjain]
We divide the school subjects with the kids also. But he doesn't clean up after himself. [gypsylady28]
My husband does next to nothing with regard to housework. He will sometimes clean up dishes in the evening, but it is very rare for him to dust, clean a bathroom, vacuum or straighten up anything. Sometimes it really bothers me and I start to resent him. I think he thinks that since he goes to work all day and I "just" stay home that he has no further household responsiblilty. I am sorry I have no suggestions for you about how to get him to help out. [SimplyMe]
hope u'll be patience ok. maybe u need help and u try to talk to him. how? mention to him why he must help you. but, if you rather do your housework yourself it doesn't matter. just my ideas. [nfhs79]
My husband only helps when we are having company over and want the house to be super clean. I don't mind though because I don't have a job to go to everyday and I find if I schedule my time the house get fairly clean. However, when I did work a full time job and so was he everything was split 50/50 that is only fair. You need to have a serious sit-down with your husband and let he know that he has a responsibility to the family also. And if your children are school aged they can certainly be given chores everyday. In a working home there can be no idle hands. [ScrappinHappyMom]
Mine doesn't even care when company is coming. He just tells me to chill out when I go into a cleaning frenzy to get the house cleaned up. [gypsylady28]
if your husband objection to do that is natural and you must understand that him have a responsibility to you and your family to get the work in outside and get a money for you and your family, but you can tell to him to be share and collaborated in build your family. [UcoksBaBa]
My husband works really hard and sometimes long hours. Then when he's off, he does the cooking. I don't want him doing anything else around the house. He tends to screw things up. When I was sick once, he took over. He some how managed to Bleach one of his shirts out of a load without using bleach. So he's banned from doing laundry. He thinks he knows how to clean. When I clean I want my house to smell clean, not just look like it. Would be nice to see him do things with the kids without me tagging along. Men need to realise us moms do need breaks sometimes. What you can do is talk to him. Explain to him that you do need his help. If he keeps going on that he has a job already and that since your home, then it's your job. Go on strike. Clean what is your's and your child's. Clothes, dishes, etc. When you cook, fix yours and your child's plates, put the rest in the fridge. Show him that without you, he would be nothing. My mom has been married 36 yrs and my dad relies on my mom so much it's not even funny. She had major surgery after Thanksgiving, and he thought my mom could get up out of the hospital bed to get his meds for him. We spoil our men, it's time we knock them off there feet for a bit. Good Luck. [chertsy]
My mom works, and my dad is retired now. He does all the cooking, cleaning, etc. to help her out. I think, that is great. He is also motivated by the fact that my mom is not the best cook around. [gypsylady28]
Try talking to him again! Tell him that you will wash the dishes and he can rinse and dry or stack which ever you prefer! This will also give you two some time to have a good conversation about each others day! Always remember that communication is key!!!! [ronita34]
I was thinking about having him read this discussion, he keeps wanting to know what I'm doing when I'm on here, and what the discussion topic is. [gypsylady28]
Yes, my husband does all the vacuuming and cleans the bathroom every other day. I do the rest. I think its fair. [Bee1955]
I'm lucky enough not to really have that problem with mine. With my ex he was that way stating that he was to tired from working all day to do anything. So I told him if he was to tired to clean up and help around the house I was to tired to do anything for him. I'd still cook dinner for me and the kids and do our laundry but everything of his I left alone. If he was to tired to help take care of everyone else I was to tired to help take care of him. He got the hint and got off his a$$. [driekons_angel]
Start leaving little things for him to do. Things that will irritate him when they aren't done. And if he comments, then tell him, you just don't have time andif he wants them done, do it himself. I have to tell you I have the best husband in the world. He takes turns cooking with me, espsecially if I am having a bad day (we are both disabled), and he does quite a bit ofhelping with the housework. He never asks me to do something he isn't will to help with. Like I said he is the very best husband in the whole world. [globell45]
That is great that you both take care of each other. [gypsylady28]
yeah its a kind of sorting out home tasks earlier than its for one. [aksagi]