Housework is the pits. Do you know how many hours of housework it takes to maintain two adults minus young children around? We cannot deny the fact that women have always been the 'slave' in the house and I wonder where it is written that it is the women's responsibility to make the house a home and for the men to turn it into a pigsty? Men are never co-operative when it comes to housework.
Men are just very good indeed at loving themselves. They think 'I've worked hard today. I'll sit down for a minute and look after this glass of beer." He is taking care of himself. Like women, there are different specimen of men. Some will never change. Not if the world stops turning, the sun falls into the sea. If you live with one of these men, housework is not your problem. Know what I mean? Some men will change if you foam at the mouth, or hang from the suspension bridge with a Colt.45 pressed to your temple. Why bother? But other men will change their ways if you ask them. You can directly. Tell him what the job is and, most importantly, why it must be done.
Now do you think men should share the housework and not being assigned to the women only as besides doing housework she needs to care for the emotional side of her man. When he feels rough he gets emotional support and a bottle of Night Nurse, and you get to give them to him? How then do you drive your other half to do housework? Men already find it hard enough to follow the rationale of housework without you turning it into a guessing game. To get a man to talk housework is no small victory. And remember when you're talking to him, remember that unless he is a very unusual man indeed, housework is something new in his life.
[question posted by zandi458]
responses and comments:
My fiance and I used to struggle with this quite a bit when we first got together. His family raised him to believe that housework was woman's work, so he wouldn't lift a finger. Then, he saw how much it was wearing on me to work just as many hours as he did and still take care of the house. I didn't make a big stink about it or anything, I simply showed him through my daily routines of taking care of the kids (there are five), cleaning the house, cooking, and working. It didn't take long for him to realize that he was wrong and needed to pitch in. Now, I don't need to ask him to do anything. If he sees there's dishes, a ton of laundry, or something like that he just heads right over and gets it done. It was hard for me not to complain in the beginning, I assure you, but I knew that he had to learn and see for himself or else it would've turned into a debate. [explorations]
The most successful changes are made slowly. You must never forget what you're up against. His mother may suggest he moves back with her since his family believe that housework was woman's work. But they don't realize that women are now wearing the pants and house-husband is no longer alien in this modern society. Who wouldn't complain if there are kids to care and housework to do and the half is not helping, So it is good that your fiance is helping out now. [zandi458]
You know Zandi, I only ever really had one man that was difficult when it came to housework..and the only flaw was a trail of clothes all around, socks and trousers etc. strewn on the floor everywhere. Other than that, most of the men that I remember in my life have all been very good with housework, perhaps unusual. I dont give them a chance to do it anyhow, as I am always running around doing everything myself LOL...but I do understand what you say..in general, this is the case that man is indeed loving himself ...Oh dear...a leapord never changes his spots.lollol [OceanTiara]
Yes Zandi, I feel it very disrespectful of another, male or female, to expect another human being to pick up after you, walking behind you picking up clothes for Cripes sake!angry [OceanTiara]
haha my brother has a colt.45, but anyways, I will get on topic for you. I don't think this is too much of a problem anymore, unless you put yourself in this position. In countries that are not western I can understand how women are forced to do housework more. I know with my boyfriend, he does all the cleaning because it gets to him before the mess bothers me haha, it does not bother him to do extra cleaning, etc. I might tidy up every now and then, but it is more something that he does. My boyfriend is Swedish though, and the power between a woman and man is very even in that country, so I guess I am very lucky with the guy I chose haha, but no man can make me do anything that I do not want to do. [sugarplum9084]
Hu..your man will go down to his knees if you threaten to point a colt.45 at your temple but only use the toy pistol.LOL Give him false alarm! I salute you boyfriend for being so considerate and need no polishing to keep the place clear. He is a prized catch! [zandi458]
i do agree with your thoughts.it is actually not his fault but that of his parents,who brought him up with the mentality that housework is demeaning and that it should be done by women only.i, on the one hand,am very strict,when it comes to housework,if he doesnt do his quota assigned to him,he will find the home locked the next day.(i also see to it ,that my 2-yr old son,also helps me with the house work) [riyasam]
Riyasam, I can see your house now, it is really clean. Your man must be doing a great job! Keep that up. You made a hard and fast rule to make poor hubby sweat. [zandi458]
i never got much help in the house from either one of my exes. if a woman works to i think men should help. if the woman doesn't work i really think it's her responsibility to keep the house. the man could help & that would be real nice but don't think it's his responsibilyt if the lsdy stys home. [ANTIQUELADY]
if both stay home both should do their part. men need to know how to do things of course. my boys were not gourmet cooks or could not have gotten a job cleaning house but they knew how to take care of themselves & they wouldn't have starved. i think a mother has the resposibility of teaching their children the basics of looking after themselves whether it be cooking, cleaning or what. [ANTIQUELADY]
wel first thing i need to show this to my wife and let her see how good she got it. because i will jump in and do house work myself. i will dust, vacum, just do it all. some called me whip, but i am a good husband that helps out with the house work, just yesterday i did dishes and clean the kitchen. [syankee525]
yeah.. tell your wife that she is the luckiest wife, having a mate that helps with the housework. You are one of the rare species around. You need no telling as housework should be shared. [zandi458]
LOL. I do housework all the time - dishes, laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the table and the counters. In fact, I made this deal with my wife that if she ended up getting this job for which she's interviewing, I'd be the house hubby and do practically all of it. Not to mention picking our daughter up from school. Then again, I'm not your traditional guy. In my first marriage, because my first wife didn't like those messy diapers, I did much of the nurturing for our infant son. I'd had experience, as when I was 10, I would babysit my sister's daughter. She's 37 now, and living far away, but I think I'm going to go on her facebook profile and comment that I know exactly what she looks like underneath her diapers. My son is at www.jordanbowen.com Tell him that Dad says hello. He's a very gifted writer. Oh, I do my share of men's activities - I've worked till I fell exhausted to sleep in the car seat on the way back home. I've wrestled with my guys. I've fish, play pool, and yes, drink beer. I've made two best friends out of the locals here in South San Antonio. One who prides himself in the fact that he is almost pure Spanish, and the other takes pride in that he's Mexican. They're both trouble makers. Overgrown boys with wives that keep an eagle eye on them - to no avail. But, I'm sure they don't do housework. And never will. There is only one effective way to get a man to do housework. That's to develop a headache at night when you go to bed. Mysteriously, you can't get in the mood because of this headache that will not go away as you've had to work so hard on the house. :-} Dan [keymandan]
To tell you the truth, I sincerely miss having a baby around. My wife and I are both 47, and I don't know if it's even possible. Or practical. But, I loved caring for a youngun, and I hope someday I get to do it again. Life is so full of the pressures of business, concerns about our personal finances, and even the scheduling of getting the kids off to school and so forth, not to mention all that housework you wrote of, that we miss the beauty of new life only found with infants and toddlers. For we were innnocent then, and so are they. Innocence is often overlooked in this jaded world we live in. How do keep that innocence in all of our daily activity? The scripture says, "To the pure all things are pure." By keeping ourselves pure by whatever means, we will rise beyond the fray of our surroundings to be greater than we ever imagined we could be. I'm working on it. Dan [keymandan]
I have done housework. It's not the end of the world to be doing housework but I would prefer doing something else more meaningful. Cheers!! [underdogtoo]
You may have done housework but women do too much of it. Too much compared with men, and too much, period. [zandi458]
I like to do housework, I don't mind he does none housework but I would get pretty upset if he doesn't appreciate my work. [mermaidivy]
Don't pamper your man as men aren't especially indolent. Get them involve in housework as part of being there. They will appreciate your worth more. He will change his way if you ask him. [zandi458]
I was the housemaid for 38 years till my husband retired. I told him he needed to share in the housework because he now had time and frankly I was tired of cleaning the same things for so long. He grumbles sometimes but he does a lot of the housework now including mopping the floors, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. I was a stay at home mom with 4 kids and cleaning house was my end of the bargain while he earned the money. Things are different now and we share the burden of housework. I think this is a good discussion you've started. [ozzieblackcat]
At least now you can breath better and lay down your apron after long years of toiling as a housemaid. Not exactly sitting in the sofa and shaking legs but at least you reduce your workload having your husband sharing the housework with you. I know housework never seems to be an ending chores. It has become a dreaded routine. [zandi458]
hi zandi! yup! that is right. you can lead a man to do housework. my husband has grown up in a family with maids. he has not done housework in all his life. but when we got married, i took it upon myself to clean our room and toilet and bath. and he helps me with it. all i have to do is ask. i don't nag him to help me. if i can do it, i don't ask him. but when he is around, he offers to help. the problem is, he really does not see the need to work on something unless i start it or ask him. but if i ask him, he doesn't hesitate. or if he is really tired, he will ask me if he can do it later. which is fine with me. we live in a democratic way in our home. my husband is such a sweet partner. he really wants to share in the work. he doesn't take himself to be the superior partner who should not do housework. we are not just lovers, we are helpmates. i love him! :D take care and God bless you! happy mylotting! [spoiled311]
Hello spoiled, I think you did the right thing. He has not been to it all his life cos he was surrounded with maids to do the housework but if you asked him he will be like an eager, baffled child. He may earn more than you do and be better at loosening wheel nuts, but housework will have to be explained and it's best not to sob while you do it. He sure needs to be asked and taught to do housework like how to mop the floor etc.. [zandi458]
Did you know in some Native American tribes all the men did was hunt? That's right. When the men got done with hunting all they did was sit around and watch women work. The Native Americans were very successful hunters. They could catch enough food for the whole tribe in just one or two hours. The Native American men were very wise. We need to go back to that life. [BlueGoblin]
I think those natives have strongly embeded in their mind that 'you women cook I hunt for the food' It is not easy to go hunting. It entails a long journey in the jungle and we can't really expect them to come back and do the housework. It will be quite tiring. Now in this case it depends on circumstances. The natives have their way of life so much different from the modern society. [zandi458]
hehe this is a never ending question..... Men should bring in the money.....which I can spend! I clean & cook, he doesn't........Thank god because he makes more mess and never puts thing away correctly anyway! I'am in charge of the house, kids and all the crap that comes with that - and thats how I like it anyway. I have asked him nicely to help sometimes but get annoyed with the delayed reaction!!! So do it myself anyway....he's no good at housework. [morinsh123]
In fact men are sluggish when it comes to housework. A man may come up with a different solution to the one you had in mind. Like paying someone else to empty the bin! [zandi458]
I hope you don't think all men are like that. There are some of us with lazy wives that do nothing but lay on the couch and watch tv all day; then, we come home, play with the kids, clean the house, fix supper, take the dogs for a walk, clean the catbox... [MYKLJ999_VERSION_2]
lol Oh you must have chosen the wrong wife! I don't discount the fact that there are women who are lazy bump and do nothing else but polishing their nails and sit around waiting to be served. Only God knows how long can men survive under such conditions. [zandi458]
I think men should do some homework to share with women.And I will marry him unless he really want to do homework for I'm a little lazy,hehe [wjcp2008]
If you're lucky you'll meet this man of your dream. [zandi458]
Hi zandi, My hubby lives alone for quite sometime, so, he knows basic..LOL! washing dishes, laundry, vacuum and all but I prefer doing it since I am more satisfied with the result...LOL! He is the cook most of the time so, I am great with cleaning as long as he knows also how to arrange his stuff! LOL! happyhappyhappy [checapricorn]
Doesn't that sounds good. Instead of pleasing him through his stomach, you are being relief of the burden of cooking. I don't hate cooking but I hate to think of what to cook. [zandi458]
Well mine helped me when he wasnt working. even when he retired he found more to do than I did . lol Now we have 2 lazy fellers around teh house SIL and his brother. SIL works 10 hours days and his brother not working at all so they are buying all his food cigs and what ever. I have to tell his brother all the time what to do even the jobs have been set up for him to do around teh house!. Gets tiresome.adnsometimes I hav eto start the job before he does it. Wish my hubby was still alive the house worked in good order when he was. Now have to drive the men to do anything and no its not up to the women really they should do there part. And I am retired so I dont think I need to do all this any more.! [Lakota12]
Build a fire under him lol [Lakota12]
I got very sick about 2 years ago and could only do very little, this went on for about 6 months, my husband stepped in and took over. Sure not everything got done and much of it wasn't up to my standards, but I'll tell you I didn't care and was just great full to have the food prepared, laundry done, dishes washed and animals taken care of. I don't know it you want to go to those lengths to get hubby and housework to interact. [savypat]
That's the beauty of having husbands who help with housework. They come in handy when we are down and out. So it is good that men share in the housework. [zandi458]
This is sort of a split for me. I think that if the woman is a stay at home gal that she should keep the house up mostly. Not alone of course but the majority. BUT!!! I think if it is a Mr. Mom kind of thing that HE should do the same. I also feel that the work can be shared. Men are capable of cleaning and many men or as fussy or more than some women. My father was a neat person and he taught us kids how to really clean. That meant moving things if they needed moving to clean under or around them. When Sheila waas so ill, I took on the role of fsther and mother. I washed clothes {still do} and dishes and cleaned the house and did it without question or feeling I was out of my territory, so to speak. When she was well and could do all of the thlings I did, we were a team. We worked together and cleoaned the house together. It worked out very nicely. I think any man that does not help out some is crazy and should be left to a pig stay until he can't stand the site any more. The man who still thinks it the womens job to do those things based soley on the fact she is a woman has issues of Himself!!! That is my thoughts. It does nottttttttttttt make you less of a man to do housework. Smilessssssss, Darrel [Dday50627]
I know some men have this cleanliness phobia. They can't sleep unless they've scrubbed the front step. But some men feel that housework is best left to the women as they seems to do better in this area while some feared being ridiculed by their friends. His image of what it means to be a man may not yet include pegging washing. I don't see less of a man if he does the housework and in your case you found it necessary to be part of housework along with your other half. She has made it possible for you to be doing it now. [zandi458]
my husband is doing house hold "sometimes" but its not the way i have done i mean very clean.he is also doing cooking but the problem is messy kitchen not like mine i always cleaning it everytime there is mess. [bombshell]
right! but what i dont like is messylol [bombshell]
Housework is indeed a challenge for me. As a male university student and living a variety of housing situations from 6 person all guy houses, to co-ed dorms, and bachelor apartments, and two-person apartments. I have experienced the chore of housework in all these situations and it always results in the same outcome. We let everything clutter up to the point where it is disgusting or until someone important is coming over. However, I find with the less people in the house, the more easily the house is maintained. However, cleaning only happens when the place gets really dirty. [mayhem23]
It is a good training for you. When my sons were small I made them do housework and it turned out that it was a great help when they were on their own while studying abroad. Cleanliness and tidiness did not pose a problem to them as they have learnt it from home. What is true is prevention is better than cure, tidy is better than clean. A tidy place does make the surrounding more conducive to studies. [zandi458]
hmm... it depends from man to man i guess.... my dad never ever lifted a broom even to sweep the floor.. forget about cooking an omelette for himself.. on the other hand.. my husband.. he's not a cook... but he sweeps and cleans our rooom.. helps with the laundry... Gardening etc.. i think he'll be a great dad when we have our baby... hehee.. [j47lee]
Everyone has standards. Sure your husband has the potential to be a great dad. [zandi458]
I don't have to thank god. My husband is a neat freak and picks up all the time. That is all he does when she gets home from work. All I have to do is wash mine and the kid clothes and load the dishwasher. i am soooooo lucky [baileycows]
You are just lucky to have someone who is spotlessly clean and tidy. [zandi458]
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, It is very much interesting topic. But my feelings are at draggers drawn with your fidings and opinion. Since begining, division of Labour has been in-forced. Some how men shared work pertaining outside the house, mailnly in fields/factories/bussines, whereas women were assigned task inside the house mainly up-bringing children and other house-holds activities. I think, there is nothing wrong so far. But, in case, if Women started taking work out-side the home, men never substituded to work inside the house and as such difference of opinion emerged and querrals/bickerings started. Life became curse. It was a hidden fact, women are weak physically and as such were given job under shade. But mu hubby always helps me in day to day's work, including kitchen, andnever sits with bottle of rum. May everyone's husband be like mine. may god bless you and have great time. [maygodblessu44]
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, So nice of your comments. Without any exeragaration, I am confident to say that my hubby is out of lac, he takes my care always. He finds happiness in doing other's job, and more, when he helps me in kitchen, to be true, he always used to say that so long husbands and wives live tiogether, there won't be any problem. After our marriage, except for duty, he used to be away. Else all the time together. I hardly visited my home, and even now, he finds happiness to take me to my brothers/ sisiters. So my hubby is great. may god bless every wive like my husband and have a great time. [maygodblessu44]
Oh as I read you post, I felt so blessed! I married a very peculiar man. Do you know that I don't even need to lead him to housework. My man is a very industrious guy.He has been trained by her Mom to do house chores so I am thankful to MIL. You can never see my man just sitting around. He helps me in everything around the house. He would start doing chores as he arrived home from work. So that when I arrive from work. I'd see him already doing our laundry and has already cooked the rice so that I'd only cook the dish for dinner. My son on the other hand would also help as he is in charge of hanging the clothes as his Dad finished the laundry. My son also helps in the chores, he could cook, he cleans the house, he also does the laundry and even irons clothes just like his Dad. We help each other in our home. For this reason, my role as a working housewife has always been easy and happy. [salonga]
How lucky you are salonga.You met and produced the finest males on earth. I am envious of you. Their help really lighten up your housework. [zandi458]
My husband is indeed a blessing, I have always been the one to clean, cook, take care of the kids, see to it they have what they need. We are now expecting our 5 th child and after the baby is born I have to have surgey so he has been so helpful in fact I hate to say it but he almost does a better job than I do almost, LOL Im sure after I heal from the baby and from the surgey I will be taking back charge but after 8 years it's very much a welcome break. [christylynn]
Yes, you are indeed lucky to have an ever willing mate to help you in the housework. I hope you have a successful c-section and when is the baby due? [zandi458]
To tell you the truth, it's the reverse in my house. First I have a bad back and my husband helps with the things that it's hard for me to do. Second he has a lower tolerance for mess than I do, so he'll get on stuff today that I'm willing to leave until tomorrow. [dawnald]
Hi dawnald, I see you have a very considerate husband. some men don't even bother to lift their hands on housework even if the wife is half dead. They would rather go out for a drink with the girls. lol [zandi458]
this is a very crude and mean sterotype [acornsquash]
happyThen my husband might be one of those unusual men, lol. We have a little maid helper to help me do the housework, she's likely taking her day off or sometimes she returned to her hometown for a week and left me with all houseworks and my 2 'always fighting' kids. He didn't object if I ask him to help me out when he's back from the office. He's tired but he knew that I've already exhausted surrender, lol. [HiLia2008]
I think so, he comes home from work and still have the energy to help you with the housework. Tell him for me 'you are being admired' for being unusual. [zandi458]
Fortunately, I do not have problems with my husband when it comes to housework. We both understand that being married and having kids is a big responsibility so we agree to share the workload at home. Even my seven year old boy help by putting away his toys before he goes to sleep at night. I think that men are willing to help around the house if they see the value of shared responsibilities. [alindahaw]
Oh yes, all husbands should share the responsibilities when it concerns to the family and that includes housework. [zandi458]
strong womanin this world are not many ,so most of the women always have ta choose the cause of the family and one of them ,in some countries ,homework is the women is main tasks [lingtao]
Hi zandi! I happen to have one of those very unusual men that love housework! In fact he loves it more than I do! He is always after me to do more of it and I happen to hate it! I know what you're talking about though since most men tend to hate doing chores around the house! But, when I was young my mother made sure that both me and my brother did equal amounts of housework! She didn't care who did what, we both did our fair share so my brother learned early! My father did housework too! But, my grandfather (her father) was one of those men that you described! He would never have lifted one finger to help my grandmother ever! [Opal26]
Wow..if there is such a man around my life, it gives me the freedom of choice to laze around more. I believe it is the upbringing that makes men more willing to help in the housework. Lucky I trained both my sons to do housework since they were kids. [zandi458]
I agree, men are suddenly tired or in a bad mood when you mention chores! They play basketball all day and then when you want them to do a little cleaning they vanish! Or they'll say that something hurts and they're too tired. Ugh. I notice that the only time a guy helps out voluntarily is when heavy lifting needs to be done. otherwise, they just don't like to do any housework. even if most of the trash is theirs anyway! [mimico]
they always bemoan when it comes to household chores. You have to specifically tell them what the job is and, most importantly, why it must be done. Otherwise they will have all the excuses to leave the house for something 'important' outside. lol [zandi458]
I think it's fair for couples to share their housework. It's wrong and unfair to let only one to finish all of the housework. Today women also have their own careers. Even if they are housewives, but it doesn't mean that they are not tired. Actually when men say that they have worked hard for a whole day, but it's not the excuse not to do the housework anyway. If you love her, you shall take some responsibilities to help her to do some housework. When we got married, I already talked about it so that we won't have more arguments in the future about the housework. My husband does help me a lot, even if both of us don't like washing the dishes. But we still do it in turn. If one of us are sick, then the other one will do it. I love China [youless]
You are smart you set the rules in the early part of your marriage. Should have done that way too. [zandi458]
I think i could lead my man to do housework. Besides, both of you should work in the house, share responsibilities. it is always a teamwork.. We are not born only to support the family financially. [haydeecorbilla]
Yes, that is suppose to be the word 'teamwork'. Both side should do their part in housework. [zandi458]
Yeah of course.. When i visited in my bf's house i let him learn how to do household chores and mother inlaw was so happy about it. Coz he start learning how to keep his things,learn how to do londry and cooking of food..(-: [eileenevasco]
Then that is good you tutored him to do housework. A delight to his mother. [zandi458]
I get so annoyed at my hubby over our housework. Although I have to do a good bit of nagging, I must admit that he's pretty quick to help me when I really need it. He tries to use the "I've worked hard" excuse with me, but ladies...here's a trick...visit him at work if you can and see what he does. My hubby had all these stories about loading trucks of stuff until I went to visit him and all he did was play on the internet and talk on the phone while I was there. Now when he tells me he's had a hard day compared to my day with our 17 month old son and our WILD 6 year old daughter, I tell him he's lying. Usually when someone helps me with the house it's my little girl. I have to force her too though. Often it's just easier if I do it myself and don't bother with all that nagging! [MissAmie]
That's good idea to pay him a visit at his workplace. He will have no excuse any more but to do what is asked. [zandi458]
My mouth hangs open in astonishment. I, a mere male, do the majority of the housework here. I clean, wash, iron, put away, vacuum, cook, do the windows, cook, load the dishwasher and even wash up occasionally. I also iron, act as chauffeur and try to be my wife's (or The Boss as she is better known) helpmate and domestic servant. I'm not as good as I might be sometimes but I don't sit about all the day waiting for her to come home and look after me. Of course she does look after me very well and I wouldn't like to suggest that my life is one long chore, far from it and there are definitely corners that I miss or don't see at all in fact. LOL. I am not a saint. Just well trained, and I hope, getting better!! [p1kef1sh]
This is a modern society, it is a period of transition where women become the breadwinner and men the househusband. so what? I don't see you unusual. happy [zandi458]
I never have had to lead my partner to the housework as he does more than me off his own back. He does it because he cannot stand mess and is also a neat freak. He tells me it is the way he was brought up. Our youngest son is also the same way. All I end up doing is cooking dinner, although occasionally he will also cook dinner, and doing the laundry. Housework is nothing new to my partner. [littleone3]
It is good to be married to a neat person, it makes our workload lighter. And you are lucky to find one. [zandi458]
My husband will not pick up anything. His bags are still sitting where he dropped tham when he came home 2 weeks ago and I do not know what to do with them because when ever I try to move them he says to leave them so he can go through them!! WTH?? [sweetpeasmom]
The story is the same with most men. They make themselves the king of the house and would not bother doing anything or put away their properties in proper. Nagging will only make it worse. So pretend to have headache every night as one responder commented and the men are quick to help in the household chores.lol [zandi458]
not all men are the same and i am speaking on behalf of the real men who does household chores, and i am not gay. most men are like the one you describe and these are typical egotistic male, who consider themselves as the alpha male. You cannot change them because they were not trained to be like real men. most likely, their father is the same and that's what they copy subconsciously and believe that this is how men should be. as a kid, my mom have trained us to be mindful of our surroundings, to fix up the clutter, clean our bedrooms, wash the dishes, wash our clothes and amongst other things that needs to be done at home. we bring this attitude on to our professional lives and we become a very responsible human being. [tigerdragon]
Like father like son they say so it is not surprising that the men do what their father has done. Not taking any part in the housework. But I should praise you for your willingness to help out in the housework. Training of course starts early so would not find it unusual when they have their own family. [zandi458]
If a woman works outside the home, then I feel that the housework should be done by both,but if she doesn't then she should do the housework if he is working all day to support the family. I know that some may think that I am old fashioned with those beliefs but that is how I feel. Right now, I work part time outside of the home and my husband doesn't have any work right now,but he does do some odd side jobs so he is usually outside when I work. However, he will do some housework if it is needed. He doesn't like to but he will do it. Today he is taking our daughter to the doctor for me just so I don't have to get out. I would talk to my husband and explain to him that I was not able to keep up with all of the work that I was doing and that I needed him to help. He can at least pick up after himself. [carolscash]
Well, there should always be a give and take in situation like yours. I don't see any reason why he should shy away from doing housework. It is part and parcel of living. [zandi458]
Well I gotta tell you, I am a lucky lady. My husband does the housework allll the time. If I don't get it done or am not feeling well he will do all the housework. Plus he is better at it then I am. He can clean our house VERY quickly and it will be done properly, Not half as*ed. He sweeps mops, vaccuum, does laundry and makes beds...He is amazing. And it is one of the reasons I love him soooo much. [mag_keizer2007]
I guess your husband is a homely type and doesn't care who does what. You're just lucky to have a man who does help out in the housework. [zandi458]
Well, the problem continues to be how Boys are being raised and there are still too many out there that are being raised that Women are the ones who do all the Cooking, Cleaning, etc. and all the boys are made to do is take out the Trash. For the most part, it can be harder to get a man to help around the house, and pick up after themselves, etc. My husband likes to cook and does pretty Good at it, but sometimes in order to get a lot of the extra cleaning done, we have to make sure we have a day off together, and then I insist on getting some stuff done. Unfortunately I have a lot of Health issues that sometimes makes it hard for me to stand very long, etc. so our place can get to where it needs a thorough cleaning sometimes. But we do not have kids, so that is a little more of a plus. But it would be nice if men could do more for themselves overall without having to be asked or told for sure. [KrauseHome]
How true. As women they are built on the principle , "if it howls, feed it" But the men in their life are not. [zandi458]
My husband is a very good cleaner. He doesn't do it that often but when he does he does a great job. But when he grew up and his parents were divorced and he lived with his dad so he had to do the cleaning. I guess I am lucky in that I never have a problem with getting him to clean. I just do most of it right now since I don't work outside the home and with his work schedule he just doesn't have much time to do a lot. [Ruthep]
I agree with you. Men though seldom touches the mop and broom, but once they do they are better off then the women doing it. I noticed that they do it well. [zandi458]
Hi zandi. I never expected my husband to do house chores with me from the very first time he became my husband. First of all, my husband has disability which limits his physical activities. So I don't really mind if he just sits at home after work (oh, he works really hard 16 hours at most in a day!), eat dinner and watch television. I have learned to accept that my husband cannot be like other men who do the same house chores that their wives do at home. Second, my husband was brought in a culture (Italian) where women do everything at home while men work as if there's no more tomorrow to earn a living. I was brought up in a culture (Filipino) where husband and wife do house chores together especially on weekends. However, since I am a fulltime house wife and mother, I don't really mind doing all of the works at home. My husband tries to help sometimes but I just happily refuse to get help from him as I just want him to rest. [alicia812]
In your case your situation is different and all you need is a great understanding on your husband condition. [zandi458]
It is tough one for me to respond, because it is basically meant for wives and not for husbands...............LOL! I agree that both the partners should share the house-hold work together and if onely one of them (read lady of the house) continues to do it single handedly, it becomes all the more difficult for her. I on my part share the responsibilities to the maximum extent possible, in house hold and other related tasks, however, I admitt that my better half does more work than me (she is working woman) and she likes to do the work in her own style. If sometimes I attempt to execute a task, she does not appreciate my way or speed of working.....LOL!lolrolleyes [dpk262006]
My better half also say the same - 'Don't wait to be asked, take the initiative to do the work yourself' Yes, I agree that men should be part of the team and team efforts win matches.....happylol [dpk262006]
I have found over the years that most men hate house work. They have been taught that it's a woman job not theirs. It is beneath them or something. They won't even take out the trash. SOme will like my husband when he sees me struggling to get the bag out of the trash bin. He will say I'll do that as he's on his way to get get. The thing is he will wait for it to spill over and won't get it until I go to get it, lol. I have no idea on how to get them to do house work. Other than teaching them from childhood that they need to help out around the hosue and clean as much as they can. [moondancer]
you are right of course. Many times but not all. I just have to start doing something that and he will cut in on what I'm doing and help. [moondancer]
Personally I think it has to do with how we raise our male children. I am raising an son and he has to do housework just like I do. If he has a glass with liquid other than water, he rinses the glass and puts it in the sink when he is done. After he eats, he rinses the plate the same way. Does he always do the housework/chores he is supposed to? No, he is 13!! BUT, he is doing them - vacuming, sweeping, even scrubbing floors (one bathroom is his to clean, etc). I am hoping if they grow up doing it that they will just automatically do it. I know several men who are husbands who help with the housework. My DAD even vacums now that he is retired!! So they are out there, but very FEW and far between. It is definitely NOT the norm. And it definitely should be. You both work? You both share the household chores! Duh! Common sense. But most times, only to us women! [quinnkl]
How right you are here. boys should be trained to do housework and when they are on their own they will just automatically do it. Since women are also contributing to the household kitty they should have a a job description for housework for the men to handle. Since some men need to be told what to do so there won't be domestic dispute. [zandi458]
Men should share 50% of the housework, it's only fair. [IllinoisValleyRocks]
yes, I agree that 50% of the workload should be delegated to our other half, that should the way. [zandi458]
well i guess it that most men are brought up in such a way, that to them spending time to do the household chores its not their duty. But in my country its even more worst last time. Those days men just come back from work and sit around and doesnt even lift a finger to help their wives. But due to the current demand and expenses, here both wife and husbands are working. so you see both come home tired. They both have no choice. But woman now days are much smarter, i guess that the few things they lay down as rules when getting married to their men and the responsibility is equally divided. But i am a single parent so its all up to me. [nornik]
Time are changing. Men can no longer afford to sit around waiting to be served as more and more women have joined the workforce and sharing in the household expenses which sees that men should also help in the housework which was once considered women's job. [zandi458]
I think both the man and woman should share in the housework. If the woman is at home all day while the man is at work, her work is cleaning the house. But at the end of the day both the husband and the wife will be tired. Yet there will probably still be things that need to be accomplished. So at this point responsibilities can be shared. I grew up in a home where my father worked outside of the home and my mother stayed at home with us, or was waiting for us with prepared snacks when we came home from school. I remember that my mother at times would do home day care. So she would have her hands quite full trying to keep children entertained and the house clean. My father has shared in the responsibility of all that it requires to keep a house clean and running along with encouraging us children to be responsible for chores around the house. My father often will cook the meals for family dinner or they will take turns or do it together. A man can do housework. [Shelly25]
Definitely, you have seen it happening in your household, that men can do housework [zandi458]
I never had to lead my husband to housework to to help with the kids.He would work all day and still want to,note I said ,want to cook and clean.Even thou I told him that it was not necessary.It was funnylol i would hear the vacuum cleaner running and I would go and look and he would be vacuuming the same rug I just did.I would ask him if I had missed a spot and he would reply no that he just felt like doing it. I finally found a man that was right,he loved to cook too and spend time with the kids and after nine years of being together and seven and a half years of marriage he passed away.So,even if they only help you one time,be grateful because you may not see it again.happy [dfollin]